February 1, 2012:
Secret sauce memory-processing error-correction algorithms
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January 25, 2012:
I wish you luck. I don't care if it's good luck or bad, I just hope you have some luck.
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January 18, 2012:
The secret to a long healthy life is lots of platitudes.
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January 11, 2012:
If anything really important happens, like the end of the world, WFMU will let you know with an annoying buzzer.
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January 4, 2012:
I love having my judgment deferred to. INSERT THREE SMILEYS HERE.
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December 28, 2011:
You think it's funny to play God. I'm serious about it.
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December 21, 2011:
Nothing beats three hours of Christmas novelty songs. Waterboarding comes close.
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December 14, 2011:
Treading water beats sinking
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November 9, 2011:
You need to study languaging. It's how you word. Once you learn how to sentence, you can speech.
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November 2, 2011:
Facebook will not do the laundry
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October 26, 2011:
Disregard previous. Disregard anything I've ever said or sent.
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October 19, 2011:
Today's program will teach total muscle isolation, elegant hand gestures, and intricate body gyrations
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October 12, 2011:
I'll review the contract tonight to confirm I didn't omit anything or include terms that aren't relevant. I drafted that agreement sober and need to double-check it when I'm shitfaced drunk.
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October 5, 2011:
Stop blaming us for everything that happens to you.
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September 28, 2011:
Now that inertia is cool, turns out I was way ahead of my time.
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August 10, 2011:
Sorry—since the alien abduction I can't form an original thought. Please be brilliant for me.
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August 3, 2011:
Cracked Latin (trio): Lane Steinberg, Luis Accorsi, Charlie Zeleny
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July 27, 2011:
Fucking Kings of Leon aren't real monarchs. It's just a band name. There's no Kingdom of Leon to be King of. And if there was, there would be ONE king, not a committee.
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July 20, 2011:
God is always with me, and I blame Him for all my failures.
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April 27, 2011:
Someone needs a slice of tickle pie!
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April 20, 2011:
My facts are too good to check
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April 13, 2011:
I'm Irwin Chusid and I approve this message.
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April 6, 2011:
Damn, that's not it.
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March 30, 2011:
Please join me in my Alone Time.
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March 23, 2011:
Little known fact: If you eat only chocolate, you will live forever.
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March 16, 2011:
R.I.P Joe Morello (1928-2011)
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March 9, 2011:
Help us solve our math problem. (Marathon Week 2: co-host Trent)
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March 2, 2011:
Welcome to your Wednesday false education (Marathon Week 1: co-host Monica Lynch)
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February 23, 2011:
My day isn't complete until I've ruined yours.
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February 16, 2011:
I have no idea what I'm talking about. Are we on the air?
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February 9, 2011:
"That commitee meeting was a roach motel for ideas. Lots of things went in, and nothing came out." — Don Brockway
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February 2, 2011:
Ronald Reagan: The First 100 Years (b. Feb. 6, 1911)
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December 15, 2010:
I can hit the high notes. They're just not useful.
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December 8, 2010:
If you're a terrorist, don't expect a gift from me this holiday season.
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December 1, 2010:
Been to school. I have a Bf.D. from FU.
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November 24, 2010:
I didn't phone Satan. I accidently leaned on speed-dial.
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November 17, 2010:
I've lost my mind. It was here when you started talking to me, but it seems to have wandered.
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November 10, 2010:
I don't need to wipe my feet before entering your house. My feet are clean. I'm wearing shoes.
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November 3, 2010:
If I had the strength, I'd do nothing.
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October 27, 2010:
I'll get on board with saving the planet after I figure out what's in it for me.
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October 20, 2010:
No, I'm listening. That's a fascinating story. I was just checking my invisible watch.
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October 13, 2010:
Illustrator Rick Meyerowitz discusses his new book DRUNK STONED BRILLIANT DEAD: The Writers and Illustrators Who Made the National Lampoon Insanely Great
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October 6, 2010:
One thing you can count on—when you hear a great track on WFMU, the rest of the album will suck. No need to thank us.
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September 29, 2010:
Please refrain from workplace shootings during this program.
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September 22, 2010:
I'm not ignoring you. I'm just not listening.
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September 15, 2010:
Who? Mr. Stupid, that's who!
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June 30, 2010:
I'm not Mr. Yes-I-Will. I'm Mr. Probably-Sort-of-Maybe.
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June 23, 2010:
Do I have to change or can I just say I've changed?
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June 16, 2010:
Half-off sale at the Brain Store!
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June 9, 2010:
If I've got the answer, I probably misunderstood the question.
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June 2, 2010:
One step up from permateen college radio, but still reveling in methodical haphazardness and calculated fuckups
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May 26, 2010:
What are all these words doing in MY English language?
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May 19, 2010:
Like radio, only worse
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May 12, 2010:
Don't underestimate me. Okay, go ahead.
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May 5, 2010:
Lord, the reason there was one set of footprints in the sand is because you went to the snack bar
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April 28, 2010:
Quick cure for poison ivy: beagle saliva
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April 21, 2010:
Halley's Comet: Around the Piano with Mark Twain and John Davis
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January 20, 2010:
WFMU has a surplus of brilliant minds on Wednesday, so most of them are forced to broadcast on other days.
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January 13, 2010:
Paul Simon Bumper Music Wednesday!
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January 6, 2010:
Scala Choir (interview and live performance)
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December 30, 2009:
I dropped in Monday. You weren't home. I rearranged the furniture.
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December 23, 2009:
Government "healthcare" is like being offered a ride by the guy who stole your car.
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August 13, 2008:
Hippies: Standing athwart history, yelling "Stop, dude!"
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August 6, 2008:
K-Lo: "The Iraqi government is more functional than our domestic airlines right now." Or Congress.
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November 10, 2007:
I just want to be remembered as the guy who called the WFMU Record Fair a "Breughelesque swarm"
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October 29, 2007:
Where there's no there there, we're so THERE
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October 10, 2007:
Didn't get the second memo? It said disregard the first memo.
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September 26, 2007:
We suffered Ego Anxiety before there was an Egosphere
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September 14, 2007:
Prolonged exposure may trigger extreme fluctuations in your baseline norms
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April 25, 2007:
Rescuing obscure recording artists from Google Limbo
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April 18, 2007:
Ever wondered, "Whose car in the street is making those awful noises?"—then realized you had WFMU on at low volume?
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April 11, 2007:
Global warming? Faster, please! (special guests: Berend Dubbe and Sonja van Hamel of Dutch popduo Bauer)
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February 7, 2007:
If you're using the seat cushion as a floatation device, how do you fend off sharks?
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January 31, 2007:
Articulate, bright, and clean—but not a presidential contender.
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January 24, 2007:
Broadcasting from Jersey City, where towering condos will someday be termed "classic American architecture worth preserving"
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June 21, 2006:
LORD KITCHENER tribute on Muriel's Treasure 1-3 PM (with guest co-host Lane Steinberg)
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June 14, 2006:
You may not need our fetishistic obsession with musical marginalism -- but it's nice to know it's there!
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April 26, 2006:
SPARROW SPILLOVER! -- another hour of The Mighty Sparrow on Muriel's Treasure (2-3pm)
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April 19, 2006:
Tribute to the MIGHTY SPARROW (Part 1),with guest co-host Lane Steinberg and (phone) guest VAN DYKE PARKS
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April 5, 2006:
WFMU: A phenomenon that works in practice, but not in theory
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March 29, 2006:
Special Guest: KAREN SCHOEMER, author of "Great Pretenders: My Strange Love Affair With '50s Pop Music"
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March 22, 2006:
How do we fend off decency watchdogs? Two words: poison meat!
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December 7, 2005:
WFMU: Not a bunch of nitwits -- despite the behavioral similarities
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November 30, 2005:
Special Guest: DAVID LEOPOLD, author of "Irving Berlin's Show Business"
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November 23, 2005:
Over 62% of our DJ's have opposable thumbs!
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November 16, 2005:
WFMU: Asking the question "Why do they hate us?" for almost five decades
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November 9, 2005:
What we can't pronounce, we mumble with authority
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November 2, 2005:
How can we offer repellent programming at such low prices? Three words: volume, volume, volume!
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October 26, 2005:
I fear global warming alarmists more than I fear global warming
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October 19, 2005:
At least one-third of our staff still has a hinge
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October 12, 2005:
I put my left foot in, took my left foot out, put my left foot back in and I shook it all about. Now what happens?
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October 5, 2005:
It's the wizard, not the wand. (This week: introducing MURIEL'S TREASURE: An Hour of Calypso and Soca, 2-3 pm)
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September 28, 2005:
If you already have a headache, no need to tune in (Special Guest: SINGING SADIE live! Final installment of "Gender Bias")
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August 24, 2005:
Offering more non-stops to places most people wisely choose to avoid
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August 17, 2005:
Fuck pitch counts -- bring back the Complete Game loss
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August 10, 2005:
Confronting paradigms of hegemonic conformity with a near hesychastic acuity
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August 3, 2005:
Taking wayward music into foster care until the teeming masses are ready to adopt (Special guest: BOURBON PRINCESS live on Gender Bias)
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July 6, 2005:
To mark her retirement from the Supremes, today's show pays tribute to Sinead O'Connor
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June 29, 2005:
WFMU: #4 of the 100 stations screwing up American radio
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June 22, 2005:
Noisily emerging from a debilitating post-Wordsworthian melancholy (Special guest: LEE FELDMAN live in studio)
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June 15, 2005:
Our little secret - 50% of band names spoken in DJ set lists made up on the spot
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March 30, 2005:
If you hate what you hear, come back in 15 minutes, and you might like it. Five minutes later we'll drive you away again.
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March 23, 2005:
Tipping the scales when society's health is in the balance
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March 16, 2005:
MARATHON WEEK 2 - Every marathon show is a Quality Start -- until the pitch count takes its toll
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March 9, 2005:
MARATHON WEEK 1 - Non-stop affirmation of the virtue of silence.
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February 2, 2005:
The usual genre-surfing tokenism, plus JOSEPH LANZA discusses his book VANILLA POP
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January 26, 2005:
WFMU: Less worse than all the other radio stations. (Live guest: THE LAST TOWN CHORUS / MEGAN HICKEY; plus special feature: JOHN PEEL 1983 interview)
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November 17, 2004:
A dystopian cesspool of sinister thought, destructive impulses, anti-social behavior and malevolent mind-control
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November 10, 2004:
WFMU: A station that recognizes how much Randy Newman sucks
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November 3, 2004:
WFMU: A safe haven for Prozac progressives. (TIGER LILLIES live and GO HOME PRODUCTIONS interview)
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October 27, 2004:
No commercial gridlock, no advertisement pileups, no sponsor speedtraps, no head-on merchandising collisions
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October 20, 2004:
Refusing to dance to the cosmic puppetmaster
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August 11, 2004:
WFMU: Swerving back and forth across the psychological center line (Special feature: ANN RANDOLPH interview)
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August 4, 2004:
WFMU: It sounds better after you’ve absolutely forgotten what it sounds like
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July 14, 2004:
The Home of Has-Beens, Wannabes, Never-Weres, No-Hopers and the Gone-Overboard. We're like a Steely Dan song in real-life.
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July 7, 2004:
Station of the Gods - preferred by 4 out of 5 Supreme Beings (This week: ELYSIAN FIELDS LIVE)
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June 16, 2004:
Your First Mate on a cruise ship around the Clueless Islands
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June 9, 2004:
"Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it." -- Ronald Reagan (1911-2004)
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December 10, 2003:
WFMU: Like your favorite neighborhood tavern with a great jukebox. Only with bad lighting, no beer, no cocktails, and no bar snacks. Otherwise, the same.
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December 3, 2003:
WFMU: It's like a mutual fund -- past performance is no guarantee of future results.
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November 12, 2003:
WFMU: Where duct tape is a way of life (MARIE FRANK performs live with Neill Furio on Gender Bias)
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November 5, 2003:
Adrift in a sea of ignorance, on a raft of indifference
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October 30, 2002:
Behold the dynamic power of radio and how it could easily crush a universe at its whispered call. Don't call. It will crush!
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July 31, 2002:
Don't believe half of what I say 90% of the time
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July 24, 2002:
Now that the statute of limitations has expired, let me get something off my chest: I killed John Kennedy.
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