Aerial View was WFMU’s first regularly-scheduled phone-in talk show. Hosted by Chris T. and on the air since 1989, the show features topical conversation, interviews and many trips down the rabbit hole. Until further notice, Aerial View is only available as a podcast, available every Tuesday morning. Subscribe to the newsletter “See You Next Tuesday!” and find tons of archives at aerialview.me.
During this super-sized episode (nearly 90 minutes long) Keith will lay down the fundamentals of the famous Johnny B. Goode opening, along with a bunch of other Berryisms. And because it's Keith the conversation will be wide-ranging, encompassing all this and more:
The gear you'll hear:
I played through my mid-60's Epiphone Electra tube combo amp. featuring built-in reverb and tremolo (foot-switchable) and a single 12" speaker. These are very similar to a Fender Princeton Reverb amp.
Keith played through "The Brute", my late 60's, early 70's Plush amp all-tube head model 1000s and model G2 bottom, featuring two 15" speakers. Plush based this circuit on the Fender Bassman and this thing is louder than fuck. I've never gone beyond "2" on the volume.
Roger refuses to let me work.
Last Week: Hobbled
The show last week was all about my continuing recovering from foot surgery. I titled it "Hobbled" in tribute to the book and film Misery and it seems I was prescient because they're apparently bringing Stephen King's baby to Broadway, with Bruce Willis and Laurie Metcalf in the cast.
I wish I could post some playlist comments here but there weren't any. Doing a podcast is a very disembodied experience. No comments, no feedback. Who the hell knows if anyone is even listening?
I've seen some figures on how many of you have downloaded the podcast via iTunes but that doesn't represent everyone, obviously. If you've heard the show all I can do is ask again that you leave a playlist comment, drop an e-mail or say something on the Facebook Group See You Next Tuesday!
Led Chris T. Zeppelin
Rock & Aerial View Roll
I wrote this some years back, even before the Austin Powers films.
Bond Villain Lair
Ernst Blofeld: Bond villain, older gent, contemptous British accent.
Gerorge Halliway: General contractor, Mid-30s, a regular working guy.
Pussy Galore: Hot, young ass-kicking babe in tight, revealing outfits.
George Halliway is called to Blofeld’s residence. He’s led in by Pussy Galore:
Pussy: (Over intercom) A Mr. Halliway to see you, Mr. Blofeld.
Blofeld: Yes, yes, Pussy. Show him in, Pussy.
Pussy: (SFX: hydraulic door opening) This way, Mr. Halliway.
George: Mr. Blofeld?
Blofeld: Yes, yes - come in. (SFX: hydraulic door closing)
George: You called about some revisions you want to make?
Blofeld: Yes, well I have some work for you. Sit down.
George: Jeez, nice chair. Nice cat, too...
Blofeld: (Stroking cat) Yes, I like him.
George: Uh, what do you need done?
Blofeld: Would you care for anything? Some scotch, a martini perhaps?
George: Uh... you have a beer maybe?
Blofeld: A beer?
George: Uh, sure. Like a Budweiser or something?
Blofeld; Pussy, bring Mr. Hallliway a beer - a BUD-weiser beer. Mr. Halliway, I don’t know if you’ve been introduced but this is Pussy Galore. She’s a certified pilot, knows karate, trains my all-girl shock troops. And she’s in charge of the kitchen, too. Makes a wonderful chicken tettrazini. Pussy, say hello to Mr. Halliway.
Pussy: Hello, Mr. Halliway.
George: Hi, Miss Galore.
Pussy: Pussy. Call me Pussy.
George: Okay. Pussy.
Blofeld: Now run along and get Mr. Halliway his beer, Pussy. (SFX: hydraulic door opening)
Pussy: Bye, Mr. Halliway. (SFX: hydraulic door closing)
George: Bye, Pussy. So Mrl Blofeld... what did you need?
Blofeld: Well, among other things, I want a sliding floor put in.
George: A sliding floor?
Blofeld: Yes, a sliding floor. You know, a floor that slides.
George: Huh. Why does the floor slide?
Blofeld: There will be a tank beneath it. A tank full of moray eels, the deadliest eel known to man.
George: Eels, huh?
Blofeld; Yes, eels.
George: You gonna eat the eels?
Blofeld: Heavens no, Mr. Halliway (he laughs). The eels are going to do the eating.
George: Huh. Now do you want a clear floor, so you can see the eels eat?
Blofeld: No, that’s not necessary. The floor can remain as it is. It just needs to slide out of the way so the eel tank can be exposed.
George: So you want to use this floor?
Blofeld: Yes, yes. The current floor will do fine. But I want to be able to just push a button on my desk and have the floor slide smoothly, quietly out of the way, thereby exposing the eel tank.
George: Okay (rises from chair). Well, let me just get my tape measure here (SFX: tape measure extending). This is a pretty big floor. Does the whole thing have to slide?
Blofeld: I suppose not. Just enough to expose the eels.
George: How many eels you talkin’?
Blofeld: Oh, half a dozen probably.
George: And how big are they?
Blofeld: I don’t know... maybe four feet long.
George: Wow - that’s some eel. Let’s see, six of ‘em, four feet each...
George: I COULD give you maybe a ten by ten foot sliding square. Anything beneath this floor? (He stomps)
Blofeld: Just a small “chamber” with some “interrogation” equipment. Nothing a few eels can’t replace.
George: Okay. Huh. Well, if there’s no problem with seepage, I could put in a pre-fabricated fiberglass tank and float the floor on some hydraulic risers.
Blofeld: Ooh, hydraulics... I like the sound of that.
Pussy: (SFX: hydraulic door opening) I have your beer, Mr. Halliway. (SFX: hydraulic door closing)
George: Thank you, Pussy.
Pussy: Are you talking about the sliding floor?
George: Yes, Mr. Blofeld and I...
Pussy: Because I could use some work in my room. I’d like a sliding bed.
George: A slliding bed?
Pussy: You know, a bed that will slide into the wall. A t the touch of a button.
Blofeld: Not now, Pussy. Mr. Halliway and I still have a floor to discuss.
Pussy: You keep pushing me back on the list. You had the underground grotto built, the twelve story satellite sabotage center, the...
Blofeld: That’s enough, Pussy.
Pussy: And I keep getting pushed back on the list. What about my sliding bed?
Blofeld: Right after I get this floor put in, Pussy.
Pussy: Don’t push me back again, Blofeld.
Blofeld: Or what, Pussy?
Pussy: Or no Pussy, that’s what. (Sfx: door closes).
Blofeld: You may leave now, Pussy.
George: She already left.
Blofeld: Yes, well... where were we?
George: Something about a sliding floor. Why does the floor slide again?
Blofeld: Eels, damnit, eels!
George: Oh yeah, eels. Well, it’s not gonna be cheap. Hey, can you send that Pussy girl back in with another beer?
Blofeld: Yes, yes - why not? (On intercom): Pussy, another Budweiser beer, please.
George: Like I was saying, it’s gonna cost you.
Blofeld: Money is not a problem.
George: Okay. Say, if you don’t mind me asking, what do you do anyway?
Blofeld: I am part of an international organization called “Spectre”.
George: Oh, yeah - Spectre. You guys make eyeglasses and stuff, don’t you?
Blofeld: Something like that, yes. Back to the floor, Mr. Halliway.
George: Yeah, well.. you’re looking at maybe twelve days of work, a crew of maybe five guys, something like 20 or 25 grand, not including materials...
Blofeld: Fine, fine. (SFX: door opens) Oh, here’s Pussy with your beer.
George: Hello, Pussy.
Pussy: Don’t mention it.
George: Thanks, Pussy (he snickers, thinking he’s clever).
Pussy: (A little annoyed) You’re welcome.
George: Bye-bye, Pussy (he laughs to himself).
Pussy: Bye now.
George: Come back anytime, Pussy (he laughs again).
Pussy: I will, thank you.
George: Okey dokey, Pussy (laughs again). See ya later, Pussy (still laughing).
Blofeld: (Annoyed) Are you quite through, Mr. Halliway?
George: (Sheepish) Sorry. Yeah.
Blofeld: When you finish with the floor there are some other things I need...
George: Like what?
Blofeld: Well, I want that wall there to slide.
George: More sliding?
Blofeld: Yes, I want it to sort of disappear into the floor.
George: The sliding floor?
Blofeld: Is that a problem?
George: Well, you got the floor sliding and now the wall...
George: This is gonna be a little tricky...
Blofeld: Well, the wall won’t be sliding into the sliding floor, will it?
George: Yeah, but.. all them hydraulics runnin’ all over. I’d have to tear this room back to the studs. That’s some project. Then we’ll have to get permits for everything and get an inspector in here...
Blofeld: I don’t care! I just want it done.
George: Hey, well... you’re the customer, right?
Blofeld: Yes, that’s right. I’m glad you see it my way.
George: Sure, you want the floor and the walls sliding, no problem.
Blofeld: And the table.
George: And the table?
Blofeld: The table slides, too.
George: It slides where?
Blofeld: Out of the way.
George: Yeah, but WHERE out of the way? (SFX: tape measure) This table is twenty feet Long by five feet wide. And it’s four inches thick.
Blofeld: Your point, Mr. Halliway?
George: It’s kinda big. And you got the walls sliding and the floor sliding... where’s the table gonna go?
Blofeld: That’s why I called you here, Mr. Halliway. It’s your job to figure it out.
George: What if it was lifted?
George: Yeah. Lifted. Like up to the ceiling.
Blofeld: Hmmmm, yes...
George: I’d have to reposition all those lighting fixtures, figure out some more hydraulics. I’d have to see what I can improvise.
Blofeld: Great, well get right on it....
George: Okay, well I’ll get down to the Home Depot.... (stepping to door).
Blofeld: Oh, and see what kind of built-in-weaponry they have.
George: Built-in weaponry?
Blofeld: Yes. Machine guns, poison gas - that sort of thing.
George: Where’s all that gonna go?
Blofeld: Around. Around. Some machine guns over there, the gas outlets around the room. Put it wherever you want. You’re the contractor. Just build it in. Keep it from plain sight.
George: So you want it behind panels and stuff?
George: Sliding panels, I suppose?
Blofeld: I guess they’d have to be. And I want everything controlled from my desk.
George: Okay, well... I hope you know what you’re getting into here. This is gonna be a MAJOR job...
Blofeld: For the last time, I don’t care what it costs!
George: Okay, okay. I’ll be back in a coupla days with some figures and specs and stuff.
Blofeld: Great! Just call Pussy and she’ll get you in.
George: Thanks. (he heads for the door)
Blofeld: Oh, and Mr. Halliway...
Blofeld: Can you refer me to anyone who can build me a missile silo? With a sliding roof?
George: Sure. Anything ELSE slide on this missile silo?
Crunch Time Continues
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Me, preparing for the Hoof & Mouth Sinfonia a few years back.
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