Options In Real Life with Kimzilla and Emily: Playlist from February 27, 2019 Options

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In Real Life is a weekly show hosted by Emily and Kimzilla on WFMU. In each episode, Kim and Emily follow their own curiosity to interview people on about a variety of themes, getting the real scoop and learning about the real people behind each topic. Previous WFMU aired episodes include topics such as circus performers, taxicab drivers, bartender therapy, alien abductions, nudism and so much more.

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Options February 27, 2019: You Are Going to Die

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Tonight on In Real Life:

Would you live any differently if you were labeled like milk?

Emily and Kimzilla interview Ned Buskirk who leads a 501c3 project titled You Are Going to Die. This initiative is a deeper & more varied exploration of death & dying, one driven by creativity, fueled by arts & entertainment, writing & music, interviews & stories, but always with the continued commitment to bring people creatively into the conversation of death & dying, while helping to inspire & empower out of an unabashed embrace of our losses & mortality. - - -

PODCAST: Subscribe to the In Real Life podcast

Artist Track Album Label Year Approx. start time
Steve Jobs intro           
Interview with Ned Buskirk          0:15:22 (MP3 | Pop‑up)
The Flaming Lips  Do You Realize?   Options Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots  Warner Bros. Records  2002  0:58:54 (MP3 | Pop‑up)

Listener comments!

Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:00pm queems:

hell yeah, let's kick off this existential crisis
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:01pm Richard S:

Have you got the Existential Blues, too?
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:01pm ultradamno:

Yeah, I know I'm going to die, I just didn't think it was going to take this long.
  7:02pm Johnzon:

easily one of the best fmu themesongs
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:02pm Ken From Hyde Park:

Tonight only: In Real Death!
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:04pm Phillippe Bastille:

I'm too old to die tragically
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:04pm Richard S:

Thing is, the date on Milk is the 'sell by' date. NOT the 'this will go bad on this date' date.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:04pm melinda:

Do kids still use Cliff's Notes?
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:04pm ultradamno:

I want my epitaph to read: He liked to sleep, so it's cool.
  7:04pm John from Florham Park:

Hello peeps
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:04pm ifeelfatnsassy:

Dear god it is CliffsNotes.
  7:05pm Johnzon:

if I knew i was gonna die id probably roll a dozen fat joints, order some takeout from half a dozen different restaurants and listen to fmu all day. Im a very lazy person.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:05pm queems:

this is berenstain bears all over again
  7:05pm Aaron in Minneapolis:

Can I get a shoutout
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:05pm Richard S:

I hope that when I die, people think enough of me to bother to put an epitaph on my gravestone/marker.
  7:05pm John from Florham Park:

Steve Jobs what a very interesting person he was
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:05pm melinda:

Where do we see the shirt?
  7:06pm Adam West Coaster:

Clifton K. Hillegass creates Cliff’s Notes, but he’s dead...so no worries. Cliff Notes.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:06pm Ken From Hyde Park:

Shirt is here: www.wfmu.org...
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:06pm ifeelfatnsassy:

I'm not mad about it, just sayin...
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:06pm queems:

wait you guys have instagrams??? brb following
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:07pm ifeelfatnsassy:

Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:07pm ifeelfatnsassy:

^ that's a shortcut straight to the image
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:10pm Ken From Hyde Park:

I think I've tried the Instagram page before, but it says it's private and then I can't see any postings there.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:10pm Richard S:

Awesome T-shirts this year! Too bad I have far too many WFMU T-shirts already..... Maybe if we could get the designs on mouse pads or coffee mugs.....
Avatar 7:10pm kimzilla:

I think I friended 10 people just now, how exciting! Let us know what you think of the pic!
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:11pm queems:

it looks great!
Avatar 7:11pm kimzilla:

@Richard, I was thinking about doing a few special prints, its too detailed for anything smaller.
  7:11pm Aaron in Minneapolis:

I am offended you never gave me a shoutout. Don't you know I'm going to die?
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:11pm ultradamno:

Are the puppets in there?
Avatar 7:12pm kimzilla:

@Ken from Hyde Park, yeah, I don't like having my instagram public, sorry, I am an exclusive club.
Avatar 7:12pm kimzilla:

@Ultradamno, the puppets live in Norway now!
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:13pm Ken From Hyde Park:

OK, no worries. I thought it might have been my ad blocker or something.
Avatar 7:13pm kimzilla:

We do have a robot surprise for week 2 of the marathon though!
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:13pm Richard S:

@Kimzilla - Art print posters as call-in prizes/gifts during the marathon? I'd make room on my wall.....
  7:13pm Emily:

But Aaron, we’re ALL going to die...
  7:14pm Aaron in Minneapolis:

But I'm special
  7:15pm Emily:

Yes you are
  7:15pm Emily:

Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:15pm Richard S:

Yes, we are all going to die. It's a consequence of being alive. So why not give it some attention and care; more than just making sure you have a will?
  7:15pm Aaron in Minneapolis:

But seriously interesting show tonight
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:15pm Phillippe Bastille:

I've already died inside many times in my life. Does that count?
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:16pm Ken From Hyde Park:

Lucky Aaron can keep his voice computer plugged in and have it spout witticisms long after the body has ceased functioning.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:17pm melinda:

I found solace in a grief support group after my husband died, an open mic sounds terrifying.
Avatar 7:17pm kimzilla:

@ken... Now that might be a great marathon idea.
Avatar 7:19pm kimzilla:

I'm so sorry Melinda for your loss. grief groups are great. I used one for a really bad divorce and it helped tremendously.
  7:19pm Aaron in Minneapolis:

Long after I shed my mortal self. I will have my computer programmed to call up FMU and just repeat go to hell Andy
Avatar 7:19pm coelacanth∅:

i've made it clear i want to be alkaline hydrolosized (sp?) but haven't done the work to have it happen, as it's not legal where i live. (my first choice would be to drag my body into the woods and leave it there, but that's also not legal -which conversely DOES make sense)
  7:20pm Emily:

@Aaron YES! We should give you a whole show for that.
  7:20pm Emily:

How cool would it be to have a show after you die?!
  7:21pm Emily:

@coelcanth0 right?! I never understood why just being thrown in the ground was illegal. It’s natural!
Avatar 7:21pm kimzilla:

Facebook pages of dead people always weird me out, but i guess there is something nice about going there and leaving a message for someone whenever you want and having a community that can use it for their memories, but still weird.
  7:23pm NedBuskirk:

You guys! It's Ned! I'm here listening! It's like we're doing an interview WHILE we're doing an interview!
  7:23pm Aaron in Minneapolis:

I mean think of Glenn and x ray. They have literally years available of reruns. It's like the more tolerable version of car talk
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:24pm Richard S:

Hi Ned!
Avatar 7:24pm coelacanth∅:

Emily it's all a money scam. you're allowed to be put in a flimsy pine box that shatters to bits when the truckload of soil is dropped on top of it; so there's no reason to not just skipp the box.
Avatar 7:24pm kimzilla:

Hi Ned!
  7:24pm NedBuskirk:

Hey, Richard!
  7:25pm NedBuskirk:

Hey, Kimzilla!
Avatar 7:25pm coelacanth∅:

  7:25pm Emily:

Hi Ned!
  7:26pm Ned Buskirk:

Hey, Emily!
  7:26pm Emily:

@coelcanth0 yessss EXACTLY
Avatar 7:26pm dale:

i think the older you get the less you grieve and accept that life is brief.
  7:27pm Ned Buskirk:

I think agree, dale... & welcome more & more of that.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:27pm melinda:

Thanks kimzilla
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:28pm ultradamno:

My mother died in November. I have largely found the presence of other people to be an impediment to healing (at least when grieving is the maintext of having the company). But I've been catlike isolationist regarding any kind of pain since childhood.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:29pm Richard S:

@coelacanth∅: I recall conversations with funeral directors (only once when there was an actual death involved), and the whole purpose of all the rituals and trappings is to give comfort to the living. Yes, there are scams and price gouging these days, but that doesn't invalidate the rituals themselves.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:29pm queems:

we all need to cry more, in my opinion
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:29pm Phillippe Bastille:

@Dale I grieve less for my generation or older, but hearing about a child's death rips me up
  7:30pm Ned Buskirk:

I'm so sorry, ultradamno... I remember the year or two following my mom's death & the need I had to retreat & withdraw. But simultaneously make space sometimes to be with others who at least ALSO lost a parent. So that they could get my loss, but also get how I needed to keep it intimately as mine. Uniquely mine.
Avatar 7:30pm kimzilla:

@Ultradamno, aww man, I am so sorry. I understand that though, sometimes I actually get mad when people try and make me feel better, I'm learning, but it can be exhausting.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:31pm melinda:

@ultradamno I'm sorry you lost your mother. Sometimes processing is easier in isolation.
  7:31pm Ned Buskirk:

I think it's really difficult in our culture to just be with other people's heartbreak, pain or grief, let alone be with our own.
  7:32pm Aaron in Minneapolis:

Did this topic come about because of x ray?
Avatar 7:33pm coelacanth∅:

ultra d my condolences to you.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:33pm Ken From Hyde Park:

Death Cafe is another resource for talking to other folks on the subject. www.deathcafe.com...
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:33pm queems:

this is very intense
  7:33pm Emily:

@Aaron—we met Ned coincidentally at the right time, but we thought it would be a good time because of X-Ray.
Avatar 7:34pm coelacanth∅:

i had a definite moment of turning down the effect of my emotions, as a matter of survival -several years ago. i still feel a lot; but i analyze why i don't feel much for the loss of my father (in december) and am not coming up with much.
maybe it'll hit me at some point.
  7:35pm Ned Buskirk:

@coelacanth∅ Yes. I think sometimes, often, really, we need to turn these things off or keep them at bay just to get through a day.
Avatar 7:35pm dale:

phillippe - yes. good point. i was referring to a natural death at the end of a long life. cancer and accidents and overdoses are hard to deal with.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:35pm ultradamno:

Thanks you guys. Old pics of her: twitter.com...
  7:36pm Emily:

@melinda & ultradamno I am sorry to hear of your losses, both. I’m reminded how being here on this message board together every week, there’s still so much we don’t know about one another! Thank you for sharing another detail of your lives here.
Avatar 7:37pm coelacanth∅:

dale yeah -the majority of people i've known that have checked out were young, or relatively so, and it was sudden. it's rough.
  7:37pm Aaron in Minneapolis:

Can the girls or Ned shed light on how did you meet?
Avatar 7:37pm kimzilla:

My grief with X-Ray's death surprised me, I didn't really know him on a personal level, but my empathy for those that lost him was through the roof. I cried mostly for all of them. A LOT. This show and the tribute was also a way of us processing and hoping it will help all of you too.
  7:39pm Ned Buskirk:

@Phillippe Bastille
Stephen Jenkinson does some powerful work in the conversation of children illness & death. His documentary Griefwalker & his book Die Wise both have some wisdom to offer to that particularly heartbreaking reality.
  7:39pm Emily:

@Aaron Yeah! A coworker and friend of mine, Rachel, is a friend of Ned’s. She was talking to me about YG2D and suggested it might be a good fit for the show—and it was!
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:39pm Phillippe Bastille:

My wife lost her mother a couple years ago to cancer. She was a fighter, I will give her that, but she was in her late 80s and unnecessarily put her daughters through an emotional hell for an extra 6 months of time on the planet. Not sure that I could do that to my boys if I'm at that age with the same prognosis
  7:40pm Ned Buskirk:

@Aaron @Emily @Kimzilla I was so glad to get introduced to In Real Life... & the first show I listened to was for Xray.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:40pm Phillippe Bastille:

Thank you Ned. I will give both a look.
Avatar 7:41pm dale:

x ray's passing upset me a bunch too. other than seeing his fb posts and hearing him on air i didn't know him. but he loved his mommy and his wife and his doggies and stray cats. he was a good man.
  7:41pm Emily:

@Ned we were so happy to be introduced to you! Our conversation really opened a lot of doors for me in terms of how I think about talking about grief.
  7:42pm Ned Buskirk:

@dale I didn't know him at all, but I got that sense from the episode & now even more from reading words like yours.
Avatar 7:42pm kimzilla:

It was amazing to meet X-Ray's mom at the wake, and his brother and sister. Top notch humans.
  7:42pm Ned Buskirk:

@Emily It DEFINITELY shifted so much for me, you know, at just the right time on the day we talked. I so needed it.
  7:43pm Ned Buskirk:

@kimzilla The power of our legacy through the loved ones we leave behind...
  7:45pm Ned Buskirk:

Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:45pm Phillippe Bastille:

Powerful interview, Ned.
Avatar 7:46pm coelacanth∅:

my father didn't know why he was in a hospice care facility. he kept asking for his jeans so he can go home. i think he didn't know what hospice is. then he'd get more morphine and zone out. but i was there when i think it dawned on him that he's there to die, and his befuddlement and what appeared to be something profoundly sad but i don't know what.
  7:47pm Ned Buskirk:

@Phillippe Bastille Thank you... It was powerful talking to these two. They really open you up in just the right ways. To think, we dropped into this & had never talked before.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:47pm Phillippe Bastille:

Avatar 7:48pm dale:

coelacanth - that sounds difficult for all for sure...
  7:48pm Ned Buskirk:

@coelacanth∅ Oh those last moments... especially hard when communication & clarity is difficult to attain. But my hope is, like with my mom, us being there helped them.
Avatar 7:49pm dale:

...it would be nice if more people could spend end of life at home in their own beds.
  7:50pm Kate:

I've always been so surprised how just being with someone who is dying seems to matter so much. The lack of doing in that setting is such a gift.
  7:51pm Ned Buskirk:

@dale I agree... especially for those who so clearly asking for it or want/need it.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:51pm melinda:

This show is making me kind of sad but in a good way.
Avatar 7:52pm kimzilla:

@melinda, sorry, not sorry. : )
  7:52pm Ned Buskirk:

@Kate I've found that anywhere I've had the honor of sitting with the dying, it's such a gift... & likely, by the time, they're dying, they've let go of the details around where their body is.
  7:53pm Ned Buskirk:

@melinda I get it!
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:53pm ultradamno:

My mother's death was very sudden. As her mother and grandfather had died. A cardiac event and she was gone shortly thereafter. I don't know if it's better or worse than a hospice situation lead-in, but it has made accepting the reality of it more of a struggle.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:55pm Richard S:

This has been one of your most intriguing and powerful shows (that I've listened to)....

Can we have something a *teeny bit* more upbeat next time?
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:55pm Phillippe Bastille:

@ultra its trading shock for a drawn out sadness. Both suck.
Avatar 7:56pm coelacanth∅:

Ned i wasn't there for his last moments. no one he knew was there with him when he actually checked out. i'm not sure he wanted any of most of us there. he was paranoid. it's complicated.
  7:56pm Kate:

the difficult times are really the times that build the bonds of love
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:56pm melinda:

@Richard next show will be marathon time, it will have to be upbeat and fun!
  7:57pm Ned Buskirk:

Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:57pm queems:

super powerful show, ladies. thank you!
Avatar 7:57pm coelacanth∅:

ultra d i'm thinking that a sudden or pretty quick death is better for the one dying but harder for everyone else.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:57pm queems:

and also thank you ned!
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:57pm melinda:

Yes, thanks ladies and Ned!
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:57pm Listener John from NJ:

Kimzilla and Emily: Your show is amazing. Today was especially good. Thank you!
  7:58pm Ned Buskirk:

Thank you all! So glad to be able to listen with everyone.
Thanks, @emily & @kimzilla!
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:58pm Phillippe Bastille:

thank you everyone
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:58pm melinda:

@coel I think so too.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:58pm listener 126464:

Thanks DJs
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:58pm Richard S:

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life.....
  7:58pm Ned Buskirk:

Perfect song outro - couldn't pick a better track...
Avatar 7:59pm coelacanth∅:

oh i was thinking of "priests & paramedics" by pedro the lion.
this is better.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:59pm mcgreivey:

This was a great show. My died recently, and a lot of my parents' cousins and friends are of that age, so there's a lot of funerals recently...
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:59pm Ken From Hyde Park:

My dad died if lung cancer from smoking. He came to for a moment when they said I was coming to see him. It gives me comfort to imagine I was in his thoughts during his last moments of conciousness.
Avatar 8:00pm coelacanth∅:

Thanks Emily & Kimzilla and espeially maybe, Ned.
  8:00pm Kate:

Great show! Thank you Ned for your beautiful work.
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