Options In Real Life with Kimzilla and Emily: Playlist from October 18, 2017 Options

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In Real Life is a weekly show hosted by Emily and Kimzilla on WFMU. In each episode, Kim and Emily follow their own curiosity to interview people on about a variety of themes, getting the real scoop and learning about the real people behind each topic. Previous WFMU aired episodes include topics such as circus performers, taxicab drivers, bartender therapy, alien abductions, nudism and so much more.

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Options October 18, 2017: Sharing is Caring

Listen to this show:  Pop‑up player! | Add or read comments

Artist Approx. start time
Welcome to In Real Life  0:00:00 (Pop‑up)
Interview with Evonne  0:10:22 (Pop‑up)
Interview with Heather and Dan  0:22:19 (Pop‑up)
Interview with Emily  0:51:03 (Pop‑up)

Listener comments!

  7:03pm MrDan:

Avatar 7:04pm TehBadDr:

Hello Kimzilla and Emily!
  7:04pm dez:

Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:05pm melinda:

Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:05pm chris:

hey, Emily and Kimzilla and all. so, do we predict any minds will be changed by tonight's show?
Avatar 7:06pm Heather:

yay guests!
Avatar 7:07pm Jeff:


Avatar 7:07pm Heather:

the life squad?
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:08pm queems:

i just swagged for life!
  7:08pm Marc15:

  7:08pm or maybe:

"teh bad drrr"
Avatar 7:08pm Jeff:

Avatar 7:09pm dale:

i don't even feel the pain of monthly donation. because my wife pays the bills.
Avatar 7:10pm kimzilla:

@Dale, haha!
Avatar 7:11pm kimzilla:

@Heather, Hi welcome! All, Heather will be in interview #2
  7:11pm jared:

i feel that many folks who are poly are actually pompous and arrogant. they love to brag about how open they are in life. kind of like the gluten-free and cross fit people. i understand how it could work in some circumstances but that is more rare than not. we all have needs including the want to keep our relationships happy on all ends. humans can't control emotions as much as we think. i wish that wasn't the case.
  7:11pm MrDan:

Me as well
Avatar 7:11pm Heather:

Hey Kim
Avatar 7:12pm Heather:

Wow Jared, thats an interesting opinion.
  7:13pm MrDan:

We can't control emotions. What we can do is control how we react to our emotions.
  7:13pm jared:

oh i wanted to add that my only experience is meeting others on a common dating site...the poly daters were the most difficult to understand what they want out of life as a whole (not just dating)...and that's apart of dating and getting to know who you are about to (or not to) date. and i'm considered to be a very free spirit.
  7:15pm jared:

exactly dan! you can only control your emotions until those emotions do what they do. a poly date's poly life broke apart once she started dating more openly. emotions kicked in, people got upset...etc
Avatar 7:16pm Heather:

sounds like a lack of communication
  7:17pm MrDan:

It happens. Perhaps some people have represented poly as being a perfect thing, but it's not. It requires work, and knowing how to do that work.
  7:18pm MrDan:

Like any relationship actually.
  7:18pm jared:

yes. and that happens, often it isn't lack of communication as opposed to one/both riding on assumptions. but as peoples' lives evolve, so does emotional maturity, etc...relationships come and go in many of our lives. just like dan said, poly can be a lot of work...because we're people and humans like to overthink.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:18pm Richard S:

As I understand it, being in a poly relationship requires a high degree of mutual trust and respect - which, come to think of it, are required in ALL good relationships.
Avatar 7:19pm kimzilla:

Communication! The common denominator!
Avatar 7:20pm Heather:

  7:20pm Marc15:

That is why I could never be in open relationship. I’d be afraid that my partner would find someone “cooler than me” and I couldn’t put myself through that anxiety. I admire and respect the person being interviewed for taking the risk of being an open relationship
Avatar 7:20pm Heather:

  7:20pm jared:

communication breakdown, it's always the same! having a nervous breakdown, drive me insane!
  7:21pm MrDan:

Hearing my voice is so weird.
Avatar 7:21pm kimzilla:

You guys have great radio voices!
Avatar 7:22pm Heather:

aww thanks kim
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:22pm Tommy in Neversink:

I was in a commune abt 40 yeas ago where we tired a similar thing. It didn't work out ...there is no security in a relationship if mates have other sex partners
  7:24pm MrDan:

Do you really have security in any other relationship? People cheat all the time.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:26pm Tommy in Neversink:

No, people don't cheat all the time
  7:27pm Mahall:

On Topic: We saw "Professor Marston and the Wonder Women" -- which is the story of the man who created Wonder Woman and the first working lie detector and the DISC psychological profile used in offices routinely to this day. He, his wife, and a student lived in a manage a trois for years-- when he died, the two women stayed together until old age. GREAT story, excellent movie.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:28pm Tommy in Neversink:

The way they are talking about dealing with jealousy is what we did in our group....in then end I realized we we're kidding our self's.
  7:29pm Emily:

Mahall: that's fascinating--I'll have to check that out!
Avatar 7:29pm Heather:

I dont feel like we aren't being genuine with how we deal with jealousy. But I can see how others might fall in to doing what you are talking about @tommy
  7:29pm Hypertoast:

@Tommy in Neversink, not to speak for @MrDan, but I'm pretty sure he meant that it's a common occurrence. And in my experience, I know more people that have cheated at least once in their life than haven't.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:30pm chris:

i personally grew a lot when in an open relationship in my 20s. it was hard, and wonderful, and gut wrenching and tremendously rewarding. i understand more about love and trust now than i did. i communicate my needs better than i did. i don't miss it, but i feel richer for having had the experience. perhaps i don't miss it because my current relationship (my wife of over 20 years) is so wonderful.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:31pm queems:

honestly, i don't have the attention span to be with more than one person at a time
  7:31pm MrDan:

@Chris : I bet you learned a lot of skills then that help you now.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:31pm chris:

yessir, Dan, i don't doubt that for a minute.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:32pm melinda:

queems haha
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:33pm Tommy in Neversink:

Hypertoast.....Ok I didn't literally mean people don't ever cheat...
  7:33pm MrDan:

@queems : seems like a perfectly valid perspective to me
Avatar 7:35pm kimzilla:

I was surprised when talking about this topic to people this past week how many varieties of relationships are all around us but we aren't even aware, because most the time its none of our business. But in my humble opinion, poly, open, mono, whatever you are, that communicating what your rules are is the key, and to be comfortable evolving through your relationship.
Avatar 7:35pm kimzilla:

Fearless Communication! I love that Heather!
Avatar 7:36pm Heather:

thats what i find about relationships.. I don't feel a crow our relationship type for fear of stigma
Avatar 7:36pm Heather:

But I do talk a lot about how communication is so important
  7:37pm Hypertoast:

@Tommy, I figured. Sorry, I'm terrible at communicating this way.(wasn't trying to be rude or condescending) I guess I've only recently come to realize that so many people I know have cheated or are currently cheating on someone. So, when he said that you don't have security in a monogamous relationship, it struck me as true.
  7:39pm MrDan:

You might be surprised how many people contact Heather through online dating sites who say they're in open relationships but are actually just looking to cheat because... they don't have a sex life with their spouse anymore
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:40pm Tommy in Neversink:

Kimzilla...well the thing is when people have a poly relationship they have to set up a very complicated set of rules ...we did that in the commune I was in..These rules come about because they are in relatively unknown territory...or it's not the usual structure so they have to invent their own structure
Avatar 7:40pm kimzilla:

I totally agree with Dan here. That the reaction to an "infidelity" or whatever rule is broken ends up being the be all end all.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:41pm Tommy in Neversink:

Hypertoast...I didn't find anything the least bit offensive about what you wrote
Avatar 7:42pm kimzilla:

@ Tommy, I am sure there are complex rules, but isn't that also, just laying out expectations, i.e. communicating? PS, commune, whoa, really?
  7:43pm MrDan:

Communes would be an interesting topic for a show
Avatar 7:43pm TehBadDr:

Sexual, and emotional compatibility are a must.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:43pm Tommy in Neversink:

Hmm...I don't think jealousy and outrage is a matter of conditioning ....I think it's human nature
Avatar 7:43pm coelacanth∅:

interesting show. (not a subject new to me, but still interesting)
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:44pm Tommy in Neversink:

Kim...that's how I came to move to NYC from NC
  7:44pm MrDan:

It might be Tommy, but it's also something you can learn to mitigate
Avatar 7:45pm kimzilla:

I think a commune topic would be amazing! Glad you got here Tommy!
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:45pm Tommy in Neversink:

BTW...this show is absolutely fascinating as usual
Avatar 7:45pm Heather:

Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:45pm Tommy in Neversink:

Kim...I would love to talk about it
Avatar 7:45pm Jeff:

When I was in my 20s, my partner and I decided as a theoretical intellectual matter that monogamy was just silly and bourgeois, so we wouldn't do it.

When we put that theory into practice, I was cripplingly jealous and insecure, which I sternly kept trying to force myself not to be.

I hadn't learned to consult my own emotional reality before acting on theory and wishful thinking, AND neither that ex and I had yet learned to communicate as well as people should communicate. All of that took decades of mistakes and work to get better at.
Avatar 7:46pm kimzilla:

Thanks Tommy and thanks for being a S4L member!
Avatar 7:46pm kimzilla:

I'll email you Tommy. Definitely.
Avatar 7:47pm Heather:

Great edits on this Kim & Emily
  7:47pm MrDan:

@Jeff : I think that's a great comment. We didn't really discuss introspection much in the interview... but it's an important skill for relationships of any configuration
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:50pm Tommy in Neversink:

Dan ..I just put it together that you are the one being interviewed...while I may disagree with you on some things. I appreciate you being a part of this show..
  7:50pm MrDan:

It was really fun!
Avatar 7:50pm kimzilla:

I love all you guys!!!
  7:50pm Emily:

@Jeff: that IS a really great comment. Very very interesting, indeed. Thank you!
  7:51pm Emily:

So do I! We love you for life!
Avatar 7:51pm Heather:

Avatar 7:53pm Heather:

This is sorted!
Avatar 7:53pm kimzilla:

She has a potty mouth.
Avatar 7:53pm Heather:

So did I but you got most of the f-bombs edited
Avatar 7:54pm kimzilla:

@Heather and you should have heard what we had to cut!
Avatar 7:54pm Heather:

oh my...
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:54pm chris:

thanks so much for sharing, Heather and Dan (and Evonne and Emily). another great show, Emily and Kimzilla! much love to all.
Avatar 7:54pm kimzilla:

Avatar 7:54pm Heather:

all the f-bombs are gone
one crap remained
Avatar 7:55pm kimzilla:

Thanks Swag 4 Life Chris!
Avatar 7:55pm Heather:

and a cheery bleep over sh*t
Avatar 7:55pm Jeff:

Yeah, the only real cheating is sneaking and lying.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:57pm queems:

i like to hear about people making themselves happy
  7:57pm MrDan:

I define cheating as breaking a relationship agreement in regards to romantic and/or sexual contact it another person. In our particular case we're talking about sneaking and lying, yes
Avatar 7:57pm Heather:

Yay @queems
Avatar 7:58pm kimzilla:

Thanks all!
Avatar 7:58pm Heather:

Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:58pm chris:

vivre la difference!
Avatar 7:58pm TehBadDr:

Interesting show, thanx!
Avatar 7:58pm Jeff:

@MrDan - Yeah, that makes sense. Cheating is breaking whatever agreement you've made.
  7:59pm MrDan:

Such a great song choice
Avatar Swag For Life Member 8:08pm Tommy in Neversink:

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