Options Why Oh Why? with Andrea Silenzi: Playlist from April 2, 2014 Options

Andrea Silenzi speaks with friends, experts, guys in bars, and her own Grandma Phyllis about where love and sex meets technology.

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Options April 2, 2014: #18 - Rebranding the Friend Zone

When you meet someone you're attracted to, the natural tendency is to think in terms of relationship-track or nothing at all. But what if we could could break from that binary? My friend Chris and I find a way to make our relationships about something more.

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Artist Track Comments Images
    My friend Chris and I find a way to make our relationships about something more.   
Beex  Beat, Beat   Options Free Music Archive   
My OK Cupid Profile     
His OK Cupid Profile     
Our first OK Cupid Exchange     
Chris Wong    Follow him on Twitter   
Chris' Cat Simon     
Laura and Danny    @lrmayer & @danblondell   
Planet Money    Hear more about this interview in my Planet Money Honey episode   
Tim Harford    The Undercover Economist Strikes Back   
Bag Guy Zero's Idea     
Angel Eyes    This makes an incredible first date 
Second Date     
White Castle V-Day     
Holly Wood    @girlziplocked   

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Listener comments!

Avatar 7:03pm Callieflower:

Maybe Randy should have demanded the five hundred dollars from Ken and Andy
Avatar 7:09pm Danne D:

In the future everyone will appear on Why Oh Why after an OKCupid date with Ange :)

Hi Callie :)
Avatar 7:09pm Callieflower:

Hiii, Danne :)
  7:11pm teecer:

Selfie lice? #firstworldproblems
Avatar 7:11pm Danne D:

Kim Jong Ange?
Avatar 7:13pm Callieflower:

I've been berated by men about my profile!
Avatar 7:14pm BadGuyZero:

Lately I get messages from users that don't exist.
Avatar 7:15pm Danne D:

@BGZ yeah I get those - you've entered the Russian Bride Zone of OKCupid
  7:15pm Sam:

It's good to avoid the clichés, but isn't putting a "fake" profile also a total cliché?
Avatar 7:16pm Danne D:

I've always thought it must suck for women who have actually moved to the US from Russia/Ukraine and already have their citizenship and try using OKCupid. Nobody must believe they are real.
Avatar 7:17pm Ange:

I don't think there's any way to win at OKC! IF you're honest, you get berated. If you're dishonest, it's hard to meet nice guys. I just don't know.
Avatar 7:19pm Callieflower:

I don't know either! That's all I can say for certain about that site
Avatar 7:19pm Danne D:

I'd be 100% frightened of having my OKCupid profile evaluated by them...
Avatar 7:19pm Callieflower:

His cat's adorable, though!
Avatar 7:19pm BadGuyZero:

I think I've run out of potential matches in the DFW metromess. OKC is now putting people from several hundred miles away in my quiver.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:20pm Andrew Waterloo:

Yah, you hear stuff like this and you feel hopeless because you know how far people will go when they read stuff into nothing.
Avatar 7:21pm Callieflower:

I get a lot of men who are in Ottawa or Toronto in my Quickmatch. It's normally because they ended up rated me, but idk how they ended up seeing me
  7:21pm Robert:

I see pussy cat, but where paper towels?
Avatar 7:24pm Ange:

The paper towels are above the fridge... it's really not that many
Avatar 7:24pm Callieflower:

If you guys need an example of being berated on OKCupid: "the energy u wield in life is the energy u receive, its a circle
if we leave ur perception, limited as it may be, and perceive you thru my eyes ur whole profile is filled with junk , ur wasting my life and my eyes r bleeding with ur nonsense

do u see now by u being a mean closed pixie ur attracting ppl n energy like me.. k?"
Avatar 7:25pm BadGuyZero:

That cat looks like it's thinking "why oh why?"
Avatar 7:25pm BadGuyZero:

@Callie: What the hell???
Avatar 7:26pm Ange:

@BadGuy - omg, let's see how quickly I can make that...
Avatar 7:26pm Danne D:

@Callie when half the dude's vocabulary is one and two letter "words" I'd not worry about their judgements about you :)
Avatar 7:27pm Callieflower:

I don't know! That was my reaction, too, Randall!
  7:27pm Sam:

If you get berated for being honest, then SCREW them! In the long run, you'll meet the right person by being honest and having them accept you as you are, and not as they imagine you. Don't be afraid to tell it like it is!
Avatar 7:27pm Callieflower:

i don't c wut ur talking about Danne
  7:27pm eliwatts:

@Danne don't make generalizations! Think of if Prince sent you messages on OkCupid!
Avatar 7:27pm Danne D:

Anyway I gotta run :) Have a good night everyone :)
Avatar 7:28pm Callieflower:

GN, Danne! Hii, Eli!
Avatar 7:29pm Danne D:

@eliwatts I tend to blame Prince for all of those messages that happen like that ;)

Anyway good night :)

Bye Callie :)
Avatar 7:29pm Callieflower:

"If you don't know what Andrea looks like, ask Randy and then picture someone much more attractive than he claims she looks"
  7:29pm Robert:

Ange's show is so great because of how she produces it. It's pretty much ordinary llfe, but when it's pointed out like this, it's hilarious (and sometimes other things too).
  7:30pm Danne D:

sorry i am missing the rest of this and maybe it will be borne out in it but this sounds like a dude not interested in the friend zone (okay really gone this time)
Avatar 7:32pm Ange:

I love asking questions about group sex apparently?
Avatar 7:32pm Cliff:

I am typing a comment on this feed.
  7:32pm Marc:

Was my comment edited out?
Avatar 7:33pm Callieflower:

I wonder how often all of us would be doing the same, Andrea
Avatar 7:38pm Callieflower:

I literally had a discussion about people hating soup this last weekend. That was an underwhelming weekend
Avatar 7:38pm Ange:

Things are about to get real...
Avatar 7:39pm Andrea:

@Marc - yes, I found your comment offensive. Please be respectful on WFMU's playlists or we'll have to ban you.
  7:40pm eliwatts:

Avatar 7:41pm BadGuyZero:

Randy would make a #QuiznosReservation.
Avatar 7:42pm Callieflower:

Because they're worth it, Randall
Avatar 7:43pm BadGuyZero:

Avatar 7:44pm Ange:

"Your perfume that night was deodorant." -- my favorite line of this episode
  7:45pm Robert:

Since we don't know what's being moderated out, do people here think this program draws more offensive comments than other programs? Or do you think Ange over-moderates?

It's got to be a tough spot, because in order for us to judge, Ange would have to put up what she found offensive, which of course would defeat the purpose of editing it out.
Avatar 7:46pm BadGuyZero:

This program DEFINITELY draws more offensive comments than any other show on FMU.
Avatar 7:46pm Callieflower:

I have no problems with her editing out the things she edits out. I normally see things before they're removed.
  7:47pm Robert:

Maybe it's the subject matter that's close to the edge, and hence invites comments that go over the edge. That's a tough spot for a moderator to be in too.
Avatar 7:47pm Callieflower:

There are so many needlessly abusive comments, and a lot of them are misogynistic
Avatar 7:48pm Marshall Stacks:

Ange, your OKCupid profile is absolutely brilliant.

Do you get a lot of interest from people with .kp email addresses?
Avatar 7:48pm Ange:

He called my guest gay. I'm not cool with that. I think I do get more offensive comments than other shows because I'm a woman, and men love telling me how to behave, and where I belong. If you don't like the show, tell Ken, but don't bully me or my guests.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:49pm chris:

I fully trust Andrea to moderate with compassion. I fully expect all of us to participate with respect, even if its really hard to do... ie. Randy.
  7:49pm Robert:

Come to think of it, don't they use the same perfumes in deodorant that they do in all but the most expensive perfumes?
  7:53pm Robert:

Hmmm.... Ange, what if you and listeners conceived of your program as fiction, and yourself as a character, the same way Andy plays one on 7SD? Would that soften the blow when people had suggestions for "your character"?
  7:54pm Marc:

I humbly apologize. No offense meant. I am gay myself and I just felt that I also connected with what your guest was saying.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:54pm dale:

i don't think this guy is straight.
  7:55pm Marc:

@dale maybe if I put it that way, my comment wouldn't have been deleted
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:57pm dale:

what's with all the valley girl 'like, super' talk?
Avatar 7:57pm Ange:

@Marshall not yet... usually the messages just say, "cool! i like hamburgers, too!"
  7:57pm Robert:

Marc, did you use an adjective that some would consider insulting, for homosexual?
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:57pm chris:

"gay" is often used as an insult, as I'm sure you know, Marc. I think you're correct, a little context goes a long way.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:58pm dale:

nothing to worry about marc. getting censured from this dialog is not a life defining moment.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 7:59pm chris:

nice perspective, Dale. :-)
  8:00pm Robert:

I've gotten myself unintentionally kicked off more online forums than I can remember now, so yeah, it's definitely not life-defining.
  8:00pm Marc:

As I said, Im gay myself, I don't find it offensive.
  8:00pm teecer:

Wow, Andrea's reasoning at why she held Chris at arm's length is exactly how I treated my now-boyfriend. There was another guy (or 3...) and I wanted to see where things went, but I didn't want to cut anyone off. I feel guilty that it took me some time to see what a great guy I had chasing after me when I was chasing after someone else. I still had to figure out what I wanted and who I thought I should be with.

We're going on 9 months now... :)
Avatar Swag For Life Member 8:01pm Foolbert:

I don't know: some straight men excuse their own emotional obtuseness by assuming that any man who isn't so were gay---it's very much like those men who think that any woman who's not interested in them must be lesbian.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 8:02pm dale:

did she say 'am-BOO-vilance?'
Avatar 8:02pm Callieflower:

Yes, Dale. She certainly did!
Avatar Swag For Life Member 8:03pm Foolbert:

It might be that Chris were young enough to be comfortable playing a waiting game.
  8:04pm Marc:

I never understand why being called "gay" is considered an insult. I don't get offended when someone calls me "straight."
Avatar Swag For Life Member 8:04pm Foolbert:

The Ambuvalence sometimes just can't get behind getting you to the hospital, 'cos it's just not sure you're sick or injured enough...but maybe you are.
Avatar 8:05pm Callieflower:

Because horrible straight people decided it's synonymous with bad?
Avatar Swag For Life Member 8:05pm dale:

none of my gay friends are offended by being described as gay.
  8:07pm Robert:

Marc, insults get concocted. People are now using the word "gay" as a pejorative for things having nothing to do with sexuality. The corresponding insult for straight is "square".
  8:10pm Robert:

A similar thing happened with the word "jolly", which of course in its literal meaning is a synonym for "gay".
Avatar 9:35am fermaspac:

Great show @Ange!
The astrology section was really fun. I still think you all take this dating culture in US too seriously, with all too many rules, instead of just letting things happens, one "going out" at a time. But anyway I can still relate to many things that goes on in your show and it's always interesting to listen too.
  12:47pm Dean:

In Chris' defense, Simon (the cat) looks that way (depressed) every single day, dressed or fully naked.
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