Options Why Oh Why? with Andrea Silenzi: Playlist from April 2, 2014 Options

Andrea Silenzi speaks with friends, experts, guys in bars, and her own Grandma Phyllis about where love and sex meets technology.

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Options April 2, 2014: #18 - Rebranding the Friend Zone

When you meet someone you're attracted to, the natural tendency is to think in terms of relationship-track or nothing at all. But what if we could could break from that binary? My friend Chris and I find a way to make our relationships about something more.

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Artist Track Comments Images
    My friend Chris and I find a way to make our relationships about something more.   
Beex  Beat, Beat   Options Free Music Archive   
My OK Cupid Profile     
His OK Cupid Profile     
Our first OK Cupid Exchange     
Chris Wong    Follow him on Twitter   
Chris' Cat Simon     
Laura and Danny    @lrmayer & @danblondell   
Planet Money    Hear more about this interview in my Planet Money Honey episode   
Tim Harford    The Undercover Economist Strikes Back   
Bag Guy Zero's Idea     
Angel Eyes    This makes an incredible first date 
Second Date     
White Castle V-Day     
Holly Wood    @girlziplocked   

Listener comments!

Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:03pm Callieflower:

Maybe Randy should have demanded the five hundred dollars from Ken and Andy
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:09pm Danne D:

In the future everyone will appear on Why Oh Why after an OKCupid date with Ange :)

Hi Callie :)
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:09pm Callieflower:

Hiii, Danne :)
  Wed. 4/2/14 7:11pm teecer:

Selfie lice? #firstworldproblems
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:11pm Danne D:

Kim Jong Ange?
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:13pm Callieflower:

I've been berated by men about my profile!
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:14pm BadGuyZero:

Lately I get messages from users that don't exist.
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:15pm Danne D:

@BGZ yeah I get those - you've entered the Russian Bride Zone of OKCupid
  Wed. 4/2/14 7:15pm Sam:

It's good to avoid the clichés, but isn't putting a "fake" profile also a total cliché?
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:16pm Danne D:

I've always thought it must suck for women who have actually moved to the US from Russia/Ukraine and already have their citizenship and try using OKCupid. Nobody must believe they are real.
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:17pm Ange:

I don't think there's any way to win at OKC! IF you're honest, you get berated. If you're dishonest, it's hard to meet nice guys. I just don't know.
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:19pm Callieflower:

I don't know either! That's all I can say for certain about that site
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:19pm Danne D:

I'd be 100% frightened of having my OKCupid profile evaluated by them...
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:19pm Callieflower:

His cat's adorable, though!
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:19pm BadGuyZero:

I think I've run out of potential matches in the DFW metromess. OKC is now putting people from several hundred miles away in my quiver.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 🎃 Wed. 4/2/14 7:20pm Andrew Waterloo:

Yah, you hear stuff like this and you feel hopeless because you know how far people will go when they read stuff into nothing.
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:21pm Callieflower:

I get a lot of men who are in Ottawa or Toronto in my Quickmatch. It's normally because they ended up rated me, but idk how they ended up seeing me
  Wed. 4/2/14 7:21pm Robert:

I see pussy cat, but where paper towels?
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:24pm Ange:

The paper towels are above the fridge... it's really not that many
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:24pm Callieflower:

If you guys need an example of being berated on OKCupid: "the energy u wield in life is the energy u receive, its a circle
if we leave ur perception, limited as it may be, and perceive you thru my eyes ur whole profile is filled with junk , ur wasting my life and my eyes r bleeding with ur nonsense

do u see now by u being a mean closed pixie ur attracting ppl n energy like me.. k?"
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:25pm BadGuyZero:

That cat looks like it's thinking "why oh why?"
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:25pm BadGuyZero:

@Callie: What the hell???
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:26pm Ange:

@BadGuy - omg, let's see how quickly I can make that...
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:26pm Danne D:

@Callie when half the dude's vocabulary is one and two letter "words" I'd not worry about their judgements about you :)
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:27pm Callieflower:

I don't know! That was my reaction, too, Randall!
  Wed. 4/2/14 7:27pm Sam:

If you get berated for being honest, then SCREW them! In the long run, you'll meet the right person by being honest and having them accept you as you are, and not as they imagine you. Don't be afraid to tell it like it is!
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:27pm Callieflower:

i don't c wut ur talking about Danne
  Wed. 4/2/14 7:27pm eliwatts:

@Danne don't make generalizations! Think of if Prince sent you messages on OkCupid!
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:27pm Danne D:

Anyway I gotta run :) Have a good night everyone :)
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:28pm Callieflower:

GN, Danne! Hii, Eli!
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:29pm Danne D:

@eliwatts I tend to blame Prince for all of those messages that happen like that ;)

Anyway good night :)

Bye Callie :)
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:29pm Callieflower:

"If you don't know what Andrea looks like, ask Randy and then picture someone much more attractive than he claims she looks"
  Wed. 4/2/14 7:29pm Robert:

Ange's show is so great because of how she produces it. It's pretty much ordinary llfe, but when it's pointed out like this, it's hilarious (and sometimes other things too).
  Wed. 4/2/14 7:30pm Danne D:

sorry i am missing the rest of this and maybe it will be borne out in it but this sounds like a dude not interested in the friend zone (okay really gone this time)
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:32pm Ange:

I love asking questions about group sex apparently?
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:32pm Cliff:

I am typing a comment on this feed.
  Wed. 4/2/14 7:32pm Marc:

Was my comment edited out?
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:33pm Callieflower:

I wonder how often all of us would be doing the same, Andrea
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:38pm Callieflower:

I literally had a discussion about people hating soup this last weekend. That was an underwhelming weekend
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:38pm Ange:

Things are about to get real...
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:39pm Andrea:

@Marc - yes, I found your comment offensive. Please be respectful on WFMU's playlists or we'll have to ban you.
  Wed. 4/2/14 7:40pm eliwatts:

Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:41pm BadGuyZero:

Randy would make a #QuiznosReservation.
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:42pm Callieflower:

Because they're worth it, Randall
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:43pm BadGuyZero:

Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:44pm Ange:

"Your perfume that night was deodorant." -- my favorite line of this episode
  Wed. 4/2/14 7:45pm Robert:

Since we don't know what's being moderated out, do people here think this program draws more offensive comments than other programs? Or do you think Ange over-moderates?

It's got to be a tough spot, because in order for us to judge, Ange would have to put up what she found offensive, which of course would defeat the purpose of editing it out.
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:46pm BadGuyZero:

This program DEFINITELY draws more offensive comments than any other show on FMU.
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:46pm Callieflower:

I have no problems with her editing out the things she edits out. I normally see things before they're removed.
  Wed. 4/2/14 7:47pm Robert:

Maybe it's the subject matter that's close to the edge, and hence invites comments that go over the edge. That's a tough spot for a moderator to be in too.
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:47pm Callieflower:

There are so many needlessly abusive comments, and a lot of them are misogynistic
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:48pm Marshall Stacks:

Ange, your OKCupid profile is absolutely brilliant.

Do you get a lot of interest from people with .kp email addresses?
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:48pm Ange:

He called my guest gay. I'm not cool with that. I think I do get more offensive comments than other shows because I'm a woman, and men love telling me how to behave, and where I belong. If you don't like the show, tell Ken, but don't bully me or my guests.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 🎃 Wed. 4/2/14 7:49pm chris:

I fully trust Andrea to moderate with compassion. I fully expect all of us to participate with respect, even if its really hard to do... ie. Randy.
  Wed. 4/2/14 7:49pm Robert:

Come to think of it, don't they use the same perfumes in deodorant that they do in all but the most expensive perfumes?
  Wed. 4/2/14 7:53pm Robert:

Hmmm.... Ange, what if you and listeners conceived of your program as fiction, and yourself as a character, the same way Andy plays one on 7SD? Would that soften the blow when people had suggestions for "your character"?
  Wed. 4/2/14 7:54pm Marc:

I humbly apologize. No offense meant. I am gay myself and I just felt that I also connected with what your guest was saying.
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:54pm dale:

i don't think this guy is straight.
  Wed. 4/2/14 7:55pm Marc:

@dale maybe if I put it that way, my comment wouldn't have been deleted
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:57pm dale:

what's with all the valley girl 'like, super' talk?
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:57pm Ange:

@Marshall not yet... usually the messages just say, "cool! i like hamburgers, too!"
  Wed. 4/2/14 7:57pm Robert:

Marc, did you use an adjective that some would consider insulting, for homosexual?
Avatar Swag For Life Member 🎃 Wed. 4/2/14 7:57pm chris:

"gay" is often used as an insult, as I'm sure you know, Marc. I think you're correct, a little context goes a long way.
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 7:58pm dale:

nothing to worry about marc. getting censured from this dialog is not a life defining moment.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 🎃 Wed. 4/2/14 7:59pm chris:

nice perspective, Dale. :-)
  Wed. 4/2/14 8:00pm Robert:

I've gotten myself unintentionally kicked off more online forums than I can remember now, so yeah, it's definitely not life-defining.
  Wed. 4/2/14 8:00pm Marc:

As I said, Im gay myself, I don't find it offensive.
  Wed. 4/2/14 8:00pm teecer:

Wow, Andrea's reasoning at why she held Chris at arm's length is exactly how I treated my now-boyfriend. There was another guy (or 3...) and I wanted to see where things went, but I didn't want to cut anyone off. I feel guilty that it took me some time to see what a great guy I had chasing after me when I was chasing after someone else. I still had to figure out what I wanted and who I thought I should be with.

We're going on 9 months now... :)
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 4/2/14 8:01pm Foolbert:

I don't know: some straight men excuse their own emotional obtuseness by assuming that any man who isn't so were gay---it's very much like those men who think that any woman who's not interested in them must be lesbian.
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 8:02pm dale:

did she say 'am-BOO-vilance?'
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 8:02pm Callieflower:

Yes, Dale. She certainly did!
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 4/2/14 8:03pm Foolbert:

It might be that Chris were young enough to be comfortable playing a waiting game.
  Wed. 4/2/14 8:04pm Marc:

I never understand why being called "gay" is considered an insult. I don't get offended when someone calls me "straight."
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 4/2/14 8:04pm Foolbert:

The Ambuvalence sometimes just can't get behind getting you to the hospital, 'cos it's just not sure you're sick or injured enough...but maybe you are.
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 8:05pm Callieflower:

Because horrible straight people decided it's synonymous with bad?
Avatar Wed. 4/2/14 8:05pm dale:

none of my gay friends are offended by being described as gay.
  Wed. 4/2/14 8:07pm Robert:

Marc, insults get concocted. People are now using the word "gay" as a pejorative for things having nothing to do with sexuality. The corresponding insult for straight is "square".
  Wed. 4/2/14 8:10pm Robert:

A similar thing happened with the word "jolly", which of course in its literal meaning is a synonym for "gay".
Avatar Fri. 4/4/14 9:35am fermaspac:

Great show @Ange!
The astrology section was really fun. I still think you all take this dating culture in US too seriously, with all too many rules, instead of just letting things happens, one "going out" at a time. But anyway I can still relate to many things that goes on in your show and it's always interesting to listen too.
  Tue. 4/8/14 12:47pm Dean:

In Chris' defense, Simon (the cat) looks that way (depressed) every single day, dressed or fully naked.
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