Lance and His Attempt to Control Others Through Hypnosis
One night, Lance was laying awake in bed, feeling lonely, bored and inconsequential.
Trying to drive away these dark thoughts, he switched on the night light and opened up
an old issue of DUMMY -- The Magazine for Young Ventriloquists.
He came upon an advertisement that he’d never noticed before. It read, LEARN
HOW TO CONTROL OTHERS THROUGH HYPNOSIS!
Immediately, Lance was intrigued. He’d always enjoyed controlling others, but had often
found it difficult to make them cooperate. Maybe this was the answer! Maybe this would
cheer him up! Pondering the possibilities, he grew tired, and finally, fell asleep.
The next morning, he borrowed money from his sister, Mallory. Then he mailed off for
his very own hypnosis kit.
When it arrived two weeks later, Lance was very excited. For two weeks, he had dreamed
of making others do his bidding. He’d never feel lonely again. He’d never be bored,
never feel small. From now on, when he made jokes, everyone would laugh! When he
entered a room, they’d all applaud!
Grinning, he ripped open the package. Inside, he found a step-by-step manual, and a watch
on a long chain. Eagerly, he rushed to his mother and proudly announced that he wanted to
practice hypnosis on her. Hearing this, she grew very serious and warned him that hypnotist’s
lives were notoriously sad.
Lance just laughed. Sad? No one that controls others could ever be sad! Then, before she
could stop him, he dangled the watch in front of her, while reading aloud from the manual
in a soft monotone.
In a matter of moments, Lance’s mother was in a deep hypnotic trance. As a test, he sent
her to the store to stock up on gummi candy and his favorite -- delicious, old-fashioned,
red birch beer. Lance’s mother did exactly as she was told. Lance was thrilled.
Then he ran outside where Mallory was practicing cheerleading. As she flipped down the
lawn, Lance hypnotized her. After that, he taught her a cheer -- "Lance! Lance! Lance!"
She obeyed him, mechanically, completely in his power.
Lance was pleased, but he also realized that along with power comes responsibility. So
he sat down to construct a detailed plan. He decided that his mother should quit her job
so that she could spend more time buying him things. His sister, Mallory, he thought
would make a fine slave. She would fetch him things, pour his birch beer, switch
channels for him. Of course, she would also have to tear up all the I.O.U.’s he had
given her, and declare his debt paid.
For a few weeks, Lance was very happy with this arrangement. But then he got bored. He
decided to put on a comedy show in the garage. The entire neighborhood would come and
Lance would hypnotize them all to make them laugh at his jokes.
It was during this comedy show that Lance started having problems. He found it very
hard to control so many hypnotized people. His neighbors began stumbling around the
house breaking things, and whenever he told them to stop, they would just laugh as if
he’d said something very funny. By the time he got rid of them all, the house was a wreck.
Soon, unpaid bills started to pile up. There was no money left because it had all been
spent on toys. Utility companies began to disconnect their services. No more heat,
electricity, phone. The car was repossessed, and Lance suddenly discovered that they
were running out of food.
Realizing that he’d led his family into financial ruin, Lance decided to snap his mother
out of her trance -- then she’d fix everything. He pulled his mother aside and swung the
watch before her. He told her that she was going to wake up and that she’d remember
everything, but he stressed very firmly that she would not be mad, and even more
important -- that she would not punish him.
Nervously, Lance counted backwards and snapped his fingers. His mother stood before
him blinking. She looked at the mess around her, then back at her son, and said,
"Lance, you’ve ruined everything, but I still love you." Then she walked away.
That night, as before, Lance couldn’t sleep. One thing in particular confused him, and
no matter how long he pondered the possibilities, he still couldn’t figure it out -- did
his mother really not punish him because she loved him, or was it because he had
hypnotized her into not punishing him? He realized that his mother was right -- the
life of a hypnotist was sad. Lance vowed to burn his manual and break his watch the
next morning.
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