Lance and His Debilitating Gummi Candy Habit


There once was a boy named Lance, and more than anything, Lance loved gummi candy. He loved all flavors. He loved their taste. He loved to roll them around in his mouth, to feel their texture -- mushy yet difficult to chew. For Lance, gummi candy had ceased to be just candy. It was his life. It was all he thought about, all he dreamed about.

Unfortunately, gummi candy was not cheap, especially the larger, more exotic kinds which Lance particularly enjoyed -- like King-Size Mango Gummi Worms, and Black Liquorice Gummi Elephants.

So, one day, Lance found himself broke. He’d been so irresponsible that he’d lost his paper route. His sister, Mallory, would no longer lend him money. He now realized that he was faced with a very important decision.

He knew that down the street there was a man who claimed to be a businessman, but who really did something horrible: He gave little boys money in exchange for their tongues. Lance’s mother entirely disapproved of this. She said very often that it was no business that she would ever support.

Lance analyzed his situation. Carefully, he weighed the pros and cons. He didn’t have enough money for gummi candy, but if he sold his tongue for gummi candy money, then he wouldn’t be able to taste the candy once he’d bought it. Finally, Lance decided that having gummi candy was more important than tasting it.

Behind his mother’s back, he went to the man down the street and sold his tongue. Then, he rushed off to the candy store with the money he’d earned. He barged right up to the counter, pointed to a big jar of gummi stars, and he grunted. This made the storekeeper immediately suspicious. She asked Lance to open his mouth. Reluctantly, he obeyed. When the storekeeper saw that Lance’s tongue was gone, she shook her head disapprovingly. She said, "Little boys who sell their tongues for money should be ashamed of themselves!" Refusing to sell him anything, she kicked Lance out of the store. Then she called his mother to tell her what he’d done.

When Lance got home, his mother was very angry. She sent him to his room, saying that she would never again allow gummi candy in the house. Lance had proven that, unlike normal children, he could not consume it in moderation. He would therefore have to go without. Lance tried to defend himself, but, without his tongue, he couldn’t utter a word.

Lance’s grandfather, who was visiting, was silent also. Lance assumed this implied that the old man was disgusted by his grandson. Lance was humiliated.

Later on, when Lance was alone in his room, sulking, he heard a knock on his door. He grunted and his grandfather walked in. Lance stared down at the floor. He couldn’t look his grandfather in the eye. He waited for the old man to start lecturing him on how to behave. But the lecture never came. Instead, his grandfather sat down beside him. He told Lance that he too had a problem with gummi candy when he was a boy -- only, of course, it wasn’t called gummi candy back then.

Hearing this, Lance could scarcely contain his surprise. Then his grandfather shrugged. He said he was old, didn’t need his tongue much anymore. He felt that Lance should have it. Then he reached into his mouth and pulled out his tongue, roots and all. He handed it to Lance. Sullenly, Lance accepted. He lifted the tongue and pushed it into his mouth, guiding it into place. He wiggled it around to get the feel of it -- it was much larger than his old tongue.

Then his grandfather smiled and pulled something out of his coat pocket: It was a big, grape-flavored gummi fish. Lance took the fish and bit into it, tentatively. It tasted so good that Lance started to cry. And as he continued chewing, through his tears, he saw his grandfather sadly nodding.
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