Lance and the Incredible Death-Defying Blockhead
One day, on his way home from school, Lance saw a colorful poster announcing that a very
prominent, carnival troupe was in town for a limited, special engagement. All of the listed
acts sounded very interesting, but one in particular caught Lance’s attention:
SEBASTIAN, THE INCREDIBLE DEATH-DEFYING BLOCKHEAD!
Lance didn’t exactly know what a blockhead was, but he was so eager to find out that
he rushed right to his sister, Mallory, to borrow money for carnival admission.
That very night, Lance attended the show and was extremely impressed. He had never seen
such a fine display of human oddities, people with such strange and wonderful talents:
Strongmen! Rubbermen! All of them were wonderful, but no one fascinated Lance more than
Sebastian, the Incredible, Death-Defying Blockhead!
Sebastian was everything the poster had described and more. He was handsome, charming,
exotic, with a thin mustache and dark, tanned skin. He spoke with an accent that Lance
assumed was French.
From the moment Sebastian hit the stage, Lance was captivated. But nothing prepared
him for what was to come. In utter astonishment, he watched as Sebastian hammered
spikes, nails -- even ice picks -- right into his head!
After each feat, the audience applauded wildly. They couldn’t get enough! Lance decided,
then and there, that more than anything in the world, he wanted to be a blockhead!
After the show, Lance ran right home. Grabbing a hammer and a long nail, he asked Mallory
and his mother to sit down on the couch. Then he shouted, "Watch this!" And, before
anyone could stop him, he stuck the nail in his nose and lifted the hammer. . . .
Lance woke up in the hospital. Finding his mother beside him, he proudly asked her if
she’d enjoyed his debut performance. She claimed that she didn’t. Growing very solemn,
she told Lance that the life of a blockhead was not as glamorous as it seemed. In fact,
she said that blockheads were notoriously sad people.
Instead of listening, Lance decided to practice. He grabbed a pen from his mother’s
purse and tried to stick it in his ear. His mother snatched it back. Then she left,
looking gloomy.
Lance was frustrated by her lack of support, but he didn’t let it get him down.
Realizing that a hospital was an ideal place for an aspiring blockhead, he started
rummaging around, searching for props.
Lance’s mother returned to find that the nurses had tied Lance to his bed to keep him
away from sharp objects. She approached her son and kissed him on the forehead, saying,
"Someone’s here to see you, dear." Then she stepped aside, revealing a visitor waiting
in the hallway. Lance couldn’t believe his eyes. It was Sebastian!
Sebastian entered the room. Without a word, he untied Lance, sat the boy down on his
knee. With an exotic accent, he spoke:
"So, Lance, I hear that you want to be a blockhead."
"More than anything in the world!" Lance replied, staring up at Sebastian with awe.
Sebastian smiled sadly. "You don’t just grab a hammer and start pounding, you know.
It’s a big commitment. Did you ever consider that? Did you ever consider the years
of study, practice? The educational expenses? The mental and physical discipline
that’s involved?"
Bombarded by Sebastian’s words, Lance had to answer, "No."
"All the surgery!" Sebastian continued. "The operations! Did you ever consider those?"
Before Lance could answer, Sebastian bent his head down, rested it against Lance’s
forehead and said, "Look in my ear, Lance. What do you see?" Peeking into Sebastian’s
head, Lance saw nothing but empty space. He saw right through to the other side.
"Everything’s been moved! My brain’s in a small hip sack. Wires lead from it, carrying
electronic signals to my body. I have no vocal chords, just a small speaker inside my neck!"
Sebastian’s voice was angry. There were tears in his eyes. Squirming violently,
Lance decided that he’d heard enough. But Sebastian wouldn’t let go. Shouting above
the boy’s desperate pleas, he lectured on:
"I eat with a syringe, squeezing food through a tube that leads directly into my
stomach! And do you want to know what I eat?!"
"No!" Lance cried.
"Applesauce! I can only eat applesauce!!!" Devastated, Lance lashed out, punched
Sebastian in the face. His fist went right on through, came out the other side.
As Lance screamed, the blockhead’s head fell to the floor, smashed into pieces.
"Don’t worry," said Sebastian. "It’s just a wax replica. They rarely survive past a
performance."
Lance ran to his mother, crying. Hugging her son tightly, she nodded at Sebastian,
thanking him. Then Sebastian rose, bowed to her, politely. Not wanting to disturb
them any further, he collected the pieces of his shattered head and silently left
the room.
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