(from the novel: The Man Who Thought He Was The Man Who Loved Women)
A new novel by renowned, so-called author, bart plantenga, is currently offering a unique opportunity to enter the well-furnished scenery of an actual New York novel.
Yes, for a limited time only you can become an actual participant in a steamy novel full of intrigue, passion and tragedy! Set in the splendid decay of post-fortunate Loisaida. You, as a character will affect the action, the plot, the pants & consciousness of the main characters.
Frequent the bars, clubs, poetry readings & ambi-sexual soirees. Schmooze with scenemakers & scenetakers. Find yourself in bed, in trouble, in situations of intrigue with fascinating characters based on actual living downtown legends!
That's right, for only a small fee you can become immortalized right in the comfort of your own living room. Did you ever imagine immortality would be so easy? & fast!? (Guaranteed response time: 14 days). Did you ever imagine that for as few as 250 of your own words describing your desires & machinations you could become a multi-faceted participant?!
The following rate schedule is based on federally standardized costs for novel & short story characters (they are especially discounted for project members). Costs will vary based on a sliding scale of verifiable income level, personal relationship to author, monetary relationship to author (ie. what he owes you from past favors, beers, etc.), authors needs, the pre-established glamor of your persona (but no one need be left out!):