Yesterday I overheard my dad telling my pal about his idea how instead of lamenting on how wrong your day (week/month/year) has been going, or playing out a constant dialogue of how poorly people have treated or perceived you in your mind all day, save all of those thoughts and worries and lament them out loud at the same time and place everyday, once a day, alone, and for five minutes. You have to do the hard work for the rest of the day of not considering them, not giving those thoughts any time, outside of the five minutes you have to give them. I'd heard this before, I've never really been able to master it, but I like it, and think I should try harder to get good at it. Because it does put everything into perspective, so many of our thoughts or worries or envies sound so silly and so misplaced when you're forced to say them out loud to yourself, and follow them promptly with another worry or complaint. So much of it is petty envy, so much of it of it centres around strangers, how people I don't actually know perceive me, or how I worry they would, and in that I'm perceiving them, judging people I don't even know, putting unkind words in their mouths and intentions in their minds, and that, I think, is the characteristic about myself I like the least, the ugliest thing I do, and I'd so like to stop, except for those five minutes a day, where I'll stand in my hallway and say out loud how unfair it is, all of it, and vent my petty jealousies which at the end of those five minutes all sort of melt into just complimenting other women on their hair, or their other fine qualities.
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| Feb 25 @ 11:54 am