Options Seven Second Delay with Ken and Andy: Playlist from May 3, 2017 Options

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Ken and Andy further lower WFMU's already abysmal standards as the program enters its death throes. Stunt radio which subjects the radio audience to concepts and topics which mature adults should not have to endure. Find the fatal flaw. (Visit homepage.)

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Options May 3, 2017: What to Expect When You're Expecting - Starring Julie Breckman!

Andy's daughter Julie is in the studio. She is with child (intentionally), and on tonight's show, mothers are invited to call in with advice for Julie since she is a first time mother.

Several callers dial in with advice about a variety of topics, including cabbage for burning nipples, hypno-birthing, milk pumps, and inducing labor with a well timed argument.

Many of the topics brought up by callers make Andy uneasy, like perineal tears, ectopic pregnancies, afterbirth encapsulation, and orgasmic birth, eventually causing Andy to lose the will to live with 21 minutes remaining in the show.

Notable callers include Martha from Tennessee, a mother of two, who sounds a lot like Evan Breckman. She gives advice on how to get groceries and a baby in the house at the same time, without a husband at home. And from Veronica, who passes on tips she learned from a fictional book - wear lipstick, have a cocktail shaker in the birthing room, force feed a newborn every two hours, and that orgasmic birth is a stupid lie. And to end the show, Kelly the doula advises using a professional to encapsulate the placenta, and describes a beautiful home birth, but she can't recommend it.

Earlier in the show, Andy remarks that hearing Ken talk about the record fair helps him confirm his theory that he does not care about the record fair. Also, Andy reveals that he has been popping jitterbeans (chocolate covered coffee beans) and he pulls out a stash box full of them and invites Ken to partake. Ken, having struggled recently with caffeine addiction, passes..

Recap by Andrew M.

Listen to this show: | Add or read comments

Artist Approx. start time
Ken & Andy  0:00:00 ()

Listener comments!

  Wed. 5/3/17 6:01pm Anonymous Coward:

@Ken - How's the dingo?
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:02pm dale:

any songs about when the water breaks?
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:03pm quietlyartistic:

Expect the unexpected.
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:03pm dale:

so, what is a perenial tear? oh - TEARS! I thought it meant tears like crying, not tears like tears you a new one.
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:06pm dale:

post a picture of her. is she hot? would that make andy uncomfortable to be asked?
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:07pm Fredericks:

Jitter Beans? I'm intrigued.
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:08pm tomasz.:

it's 11:08pm here and i'm ready for a Jitterbean
Avatar Swag For Life Member 🎃 Wed. 5/3/17 6:12pm -Ken:

Dingo is physically OK, mentally scarred
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:12pm dale:

i think this is an uncomfortable theme for the regular 7sd crowd.
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:13pm dale:

it's okay to smoke cigarettes, too. heroin is a grey area.
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:14pm miles:

way more caffeine than diet coke
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:16pm Tom:

I'm very uncomfortable
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:16pm miles:

humans don't have eggs
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:16pm dick:

Sounds like daddy's princess needs a nanny and a house ! $$$$
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:17pm grace gold way:

what songs are there about child birth? Always thought ELO's "livin' thing" had to do with abortion
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:17pm miles:

is it safe?
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:17pm dale:

can i ask andy to ask julie if they conceived in the missionary position or the wheelbarrow position?
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:18pm miles:

@grace Bodies - sex pistols
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:18pm phillip:

maybe we should hand the show over to kens gyno wife and andys wife and they can seriously discuss prehnancy since they are women
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:18pm miles:

is it safe?
Avatar Swag For Life Member 🎃 Wed. 5/3/17 6:18pm melinda:

I'm just now joining in, not fleeing.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 5/3/17 6:18pm howard in nyc:

perineal tear is kinda like an episiotomy. A tear in the tissue between the vagina and the anus. An episiotomy is a cut in the tissue, done by the doctor, to prevent a perineal tear. Because an episiotomy incision is more easily sutured up than a perineal tear. The episiotomy incision heals much more nicely than a perineal tear.
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:19pm Listener Julian:

Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:19pm dale:

jjesus howard - i was sitting down and now i want to stand!
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:20pm miles:

is it safe?
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:21pm miles:

c'mon humans don't produce eggs
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:21pm quietlyartistic:

Mazel tov, Andy! My mother thought I was going to be a girl, but I came out with a penis. You should have a gender guessing contest. Everyone who guesses the baby's gender correctly gets a t-shirt!
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 5/3/17 6:21pm howard in nyc:

Sorry dale.
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:21pm quietlyartistic:

...or a tomato bumpersticker
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:23pm Micki:

Hand me down that can of jitter beans
Avatar Swag For Life Member 🎃 Wed. 5/3/17 6:24pm melinda:

This is getting interesting.
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:24pm dale:

now i want some saurkraut.
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:25pm miles:

cabbage leaves , jitter beans & fertilized human eggs
Avatar Swag For Life Member 🎃 Wed. 5/3/17 6:25pm melinda:

Kraut would be bad for burning nipples.
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:25pm Sean B.:

Hmmmmm.... www.jitterbeanscandy.com And (obviously) congrats to Ken and his son, Andy & Julie.
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:25pm dale:

do they really give you an enema before childbirth? the whole process sounds unnecessary.
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:26pm Marie:

I heard squatting, like one would over a hole in the ground in the woods, helps a lot, as opposed to lying on one's back, which is not helpful to pushing the baby out. Utilize gravity!
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 5/3/17 6:26pm howard in nyc:

The cabbage leaves
Drift by the window
The cabbage leaves
of red and gold
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:26pm Fredericks:

Cabbage leaves add a slight variation in the flavor of the breast milk. Good way to get kids to like vegetables!
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:26pm dale:

marie - i though that as for efficient poopage.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 🎃 Wed. 5/3/17 6:27pm melinda:

I've heard that you get the runs prior to childbirth, making an enema unnecessary.
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:27pm Marie:

@ Dale: mm hm
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:27pm miles:

eggs beans leaves & "simple oil of clove"
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:27pm dale:

martha 'evan' breckman
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:28pm JakeGould:

Maybe the Dingo should just eat this baby?
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:28pm grace gold way:

i think you should have an inflatable woman childbirth on the air
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:30pm miles:

fetal diet coke syndrome
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:30pm dick:

It's a whole borscht belt family act . Capturing the Breckmans
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:30pm dale:

won't the afterbirth clog the drain?
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:31pm dale:

  Wed. 5/3/17 6:31pm freeadvice:

  Wed. 5/3/17 6:32pm Marie:

I think Andy should be forced to watch a video of a live birth while on the air--youtube baby birth.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 5/3/17 6:32pm howard in nyc:

Do I hear three fontanelles?
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:32pm Jessica:

Get a cart for the groceries. You can get all six bags in at once. Put baby in forward baby carrier thingy....you're welcome, Andy.
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:33pm miles:

the fantenelles first album was recorded under the influence of jitter beans
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:33pm dale:

probably a very protein rich delicacy in some countries.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 5/3/17 6:33pm coelacanth∅:

isn't the fontanelle to let the evil spirits in?
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:33pm Elle Tor's Husband:

The Egyptians were thought to "form" the heads of there elite...
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:33pm Marie:

Maybe Julie should try getting wasted for the birth
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:34pm Listener Robert:

Actually a lot has changed in obs-gyn...and changed back...and changed again. It goes thru fads, and there are always differences of opinion, and docs eager to practice overly aggressive medicine.
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:34pm JakeGould:

Placenta picklers! Pickle the placenta!!!
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:34pm Marie:

It's like gefilte fish
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:34pm dale:

what about putting it up in jars with the tomatoes?
Avatar Swag For Life Member 🎃 Wed. 5/3/17 6:35pm melinda:

Some people bury the placenta in the backyard. With a ritual.
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:35pm Veronica:

  Wed. 5/3/17 6:35pm HuskLife:

Step one: after child is born soak Andy
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:35pm JakeGould:

@Marie: Stop humiliating gefilte fish!!!
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:35pm miles:

encapsulated placenta , jitter beans & simple oil of clove
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 5/3/17 6:35pm howard in nyc:

(there are 6 fontanelles, iirc)
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:35pm Santos:

Hi Guys! Two pieces of advice from a father watching his wife give birth: 1. TAKE THE EPIDURAL!!2. do cord blood storage. It's cheap and it's your baby's cord blood, just in case they need it for any reason in the future.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 5/3/17 6:36pm coelacanth∅:

a friend made her placenta into a pate. it wasn't bad. (truth)
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:36pm Veronica:

A midwife told me orgasmic birth is a dumb lie.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 🎃 Wed. 5/3/17 6:36pm melinda:

@coel you ate placenta pate?
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:37pm Veronica:

Don't fall for it Julie
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 5/3/17 6:37pm howard in nyc:

7-second orgasmic
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:37pm JakeGould:

I could have used some baby cord blood around 3:00pm today. Needed a boost.
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:37pm Marie:

Does eating it mean you are a cannibal?
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:37pm Listener Robert:

You'd have to slice things pretty finely to find 6 fontanelles, Howard. You start with 1 big one, then as the bones come together in the middle it becomes 2 smaller ones, and by the time you're born the anterior one will have closed.
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:38pm groucho:

Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:39pm dale:

andy is gonna have a relationship with his help like ahnold had.
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:39pm Marie:

I heard it was good on pizza--really
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:39pm Veronica:

Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:40pm groucho:

Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:40pm JakeGould:

@Marie: Stop disrespecting Italian culture!
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:41pm miles:

vegan placenta tastes like cardboard
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 5/3/17 6:41pm coelacanth∅:

melinda, i did. on a cracker.
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:42pm fred:

@melinda - it turns out human are the only mammal that does not eat the "afterbirth"
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 5/3/17 6:42pm howard in nyc:

There are two big ones in the midline, but there are two small ones on each side. The ones on the side are usually hard to feel, because they are so small at birth.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 🎃 Wed. 5/3/17 6:44pm melinda:

I suppose it's no more nasty than liver. But liver is yecch.
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:44pm miles:

this show encapsulates encapsulation
Avatar Swag For Life Member 🎃 Wed. 5/3/17 6:44pm melinda:

@miles haha
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:44pm dale:

my father liked liver cooked in milk. blargh!
Avatar Swag For Life Member 🎃 Wed. 5/3/17 6:45pm melinda:

I eat a tiny amount of liver every day, for health. But I've yet to develop a taste for it.
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:46pm dale:

i guess rape jokes are out tonight.
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:46pm Elle Tor's Husband:

I just did a laugh spit-take...
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 5/3/17 6:46pm common:

You should have a cocktail shaker. Everywhere.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 5/3/17 6:47pm coelacanth∅:

she hooked it up with garlic and spices. i wasn't a meat eater at the time, so it was a little weird. neither was she... but she was honored that i braved it, and it wasn't bad.
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:47pm Marie:

@ Dale--ha ha!
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:47pm dale:

jewish delicacy!
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:47pm Elle Tor's Husband:

Liver is great when you eat it in the Tenderloin's Original Joe's at 2am
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 5/3/17 6:48pm coelacanth∅:

(and when i ate meat, i didn't like liver. it was much better than i remember liver being)
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:48pm Marie:

I would NEVER eat that, EVER
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:48pm JakeGould:

@dale: Beef tongue and buttermilk! Now that’s a meal.
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:48pm Listener Robert:

Howard, if I couldn't feel a fontanelle, it wasn't there. (That's why I had all but one closing before birth.) Same thing for heart sounds, seeing fractures on X-rays, etc. My story & I'm sticking to it.
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:49pm dale:

liver and onions was also a biggie for my dad.
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:49pm JimmyfromKearny:

I think Mel Gibson forced his girlfriend to bury the placenta at the base of a new tree...
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:50pm miles:

Brian Epstein was the 5th fontenelle
Avatar Swag For Life Member 🎃 Wed. 5/3/17 6:50pm (Murakami Whywolf))):

How low are the odds of orgasm during birth? They're even lower than the odds of orgasm from penovaginal intercourse.
Avatar Swag For Life Member 🎃 Wed. 5/3/17 6:50pm melinda:

My mom would get liver and onions at the cafeteria we went to, and I couldn't believe something that smelled so good tasted so horrible.
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:51pm Marie:

I used to have to slice beef tongue to make sandwiches for my dad. It grossed me out at the time, a big, honking cow tongue with taste buds and everything. But the beef was of a very fine grain.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 5/3/17 6:52pm coelacanth∅:

i thought house flies were the most deadly animal in the world. (with mosquitoes second)
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 5/3/17 6:52pm common:

Bats are the best
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:52pm dick:

I say turn the masturbatorium into a nursery
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:52pm Elle Tor's Husband:

Is Andy's ringtone the theme from Batman?
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:52pm phillip:

WOW!!! the most uncomfortable show andy breckman has ever done
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:52pm Marie:

It's actually cow (emph.) tongue, right?
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 5/3/17 6:52pm coelacanth∅:

(-either way, bats eat them)
Avatar Swag For Life Member 🎃 Wed. 5/3/17 6:52pm Ken From Hyde Park:

One a scale of 1 to 100, how grossed out is Andy? I'm thinking only 40 to 45. Sad!
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:52pm JakeGould:

Penovaginal pasta is a very nice pasta.
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:52pm JimmyfromKearny:

Didn't Martin and Lewis appear at the "Fontonelle?"
Avatar Swag For Life Member 🎃 Wed. 5/3/17 6:53pm (((Murakami Whywolf):

Why is Andy so grossed-out?
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:53pm dale:

i won a howard stern sandwich at the carnegie deli for calling in to k rock and asking for the moody blue's 'question.' it was tongue and it was basically the whole fricken' thing sliced thin on rye. i took one bite and it felt like it was licking the inside of my stomach. a jewish woman i worked with said 'i'll take it' and take it she did!
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:53pm Marie:

How about "Mandy"?
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:54pm HuskLife:

Confirmed, the birth of Bat Boy
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:54pm phillip:

there should have been video running on this one just to see andys face turn three shade of red
Avatar Swag For Life Member 🎃 Wed. 5/3/17 6:54pm (((Murakami Whywolf):

Sephardim and Mizrahi will name after living relatives.
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:55pm dale:

dick - i say turn the masturbatorium into a child's masturbatorium.
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:55pm Marie:

@ Dale: ugg
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:56pm dale:

i would think if you bread and deep fry the placenta you have a good chance of zx-ray burns eating it.
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:56pm JakeGould:

@dale: Is the masturbatorium CIS-gendered?
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:57pm phillip:

so wait a min here. and has a son named evan and a daughter named molly and an older son named josh. parden me but those dont sound jewish to me??? sorry
  Wed. 5/3/17 6:57pm grace gold way:

homebirths are nice and all, but it sorta disgusted me when my friend told me she and her sister had both been birthed on the couch i was sitting on.
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:57pm Sean B.:

I had a Bat get into my apartment at the beginning of the winter. I was freaked, but I just made sure that the bat was confined to that room. I left the window open and by the morning it flew out.
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:57pm dale:

i dunno, but if you teach masturbation then it becomes a school which is tax exempt
Avatar Swag For Life Member 🎃 Wed. 5/3/17 6:57pm melinda:

This was a great episode.
Avatar Wed. 5/3/17 6:58pm JakeGould:

@GraceGoldWay: “…irthed on the couch i was sitting on.” That sounds like an insult.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 5/3/17 6:58pm coelacanth∅:

  Wed. 5/3/17 7:00pm grace gold way:

i was eating apple pie when i found out. lost my appetite.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Fri. 5/5/17 2:38pm michelle mello:

uh oh, I gotta start listening live. I'm not a mom, but I have a pregnant friend who is also 20 weeks along. Good luck to Julie!!!
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