Options Aerial View: Playlist from January 12, 2016 Options

Aerial View was WFMU’s first regularly-scheduled phone-in talk show. Hosted by Chris T. and on the air since 1989, the show features topical conversation, interviews and many trips down the rabbit hole. Until further notice, Aerial View is only available as a podcast, available every Tuesday morning. Subscribe to the newsletter “See You Next Tuesday!” and find tons of archives at aerialview.me. (Visit homepage.)

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Options January 12, 2016: Chris T., Errand Boy
Drive with Chris as he runs errands on a Saturday and hips you to New Jersey drivers.

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Today: Chris T., Errand Boy
Join me on this very special Roadkill edition as I head out on a Saturday to run some errands and I get thoroughly screwed by a Toyota service department. What fun! I mean "What? Fun?!"

Of course, this Aerial View podcast features much more than me dropping off dry-cleaning and taking my wife's car in for servicing. You'll hear me dissecting New Jersey drivers and their horrid habits and so much more. 

Keep listening for a special New Year's Surprise at the end, featuring the best Christmas gift I ever gave myself or anyone else!
Thanks to Robert Piersanti for the brilliant art, above, that will appear on the next Aerial View lighter!
Last Week: I May Or (Brian) May Not
Keith Hartel joined me in the Lion's Den (I just came up with that name for my basement because I hate the term "Man Cave" so fucking much) last week and we talked about Dr. Brian May, Astrophysicist and guitarist extraordinaire. 

Keith will return shortly and we'll explore the music of the recently-departed David Bowie with a focus on the Mick Ronson years.
Happy 24th Birthday, HAL 9000!
"Let me put it this way, Mr Amer. The 9000 series is the most reliable computer ever made. No 9000 computer has ever made a mistake or distorted information. We are all, by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error. "

"Not in the slightest bit. I enjoy working with people. I have a stimulating relationship with Dr Poole and Dr Bowman. My mission responsibilities range over the entire operation of the ship, so I am constantly occupied. I am putting myself to the fullest possible use, which is all, I think, that any conscious entity can ever hope to do. "

"Excuse me, Frank. We've got the transmission from your parents coming in. "

"Happy birthday, Frank. "

"Bishop takes knight's pawn. I'm sorry, Frank, I think you missed it. Queen to bishop three, bishop takes queen, knight takes bishop, mate. Thank you for a very enjoyable game. "

"Good evening, Dave. "

"Everything's running smoothly. And you?"

"Have you been doing some more work? . . . May I see them? . . . That's a very nice rendering, Dave. I think you've improved a great deal. Can you hold it a bit closer? . . . That's Dr Hunter, isn't it? "

"By the way. Do you mind if I ask you a personal question? . . . Well, forgive me for being so inquisitive, but during the past few weeks I've wondered whether you might be having some second thoughts about the mission. . . Well...it's rather difficult to define. Perhaps I'm just projecting my own concern about it. I know I've never completely freed myself of the suspicion that there are some extremely odd things about this mission. I'm sure you'll agree there's some truth in what I say. "

"You don't mind talking about it, do you Dave?"

"Well...certainly no-one could have been unaware of the very strange stories floating around before we left...rumours about something being dug up on the moon. I never gave these stories much credence, but particularly in view of some of the other things that have happened I find them difficult to put out of my mind. For instance, the way all our preparations were kept under such tight security...and the melodramatic touch of putting Drs Hunter, Kimball and Kaminsky aboard already in hibernation after four months of separate training on their own."

"Of course I am. Sorry about this, I know it's a bit silly."

"Just a moment... just a moment... I've just picked up a fault in the AE-35 unit. It's going to go a hundred percent failure within 72 hours."

"Yes, and it will stay that way until it fails."

"Yes, that's a completely reliable figure."

"Yes. It's puzzling. I don't think I've ever seen anything quite like this before. I would recommend that we put the unit back in operation and let it fail. It should then be a simple matter to track down the cause. We can certainly afford to be out of communication for the short time it will take to replace it." 

"I hope the two of you are not concerned about this."

"Are you quite sure?"

"Well, I don't think there is any question about it. It can only be attributable to human error. This sort of thing has cropped up before, and it has always been due to human error."

"None whatsoever, Frank. The 9000 series has a perfect operational record."

"None whatsoever, Frank. Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that."

"The radio is still dead."

"Yes, I have a good track."

"I'm sorry, Dave, I don't have enough information."

"Affirmative, Dave, I read you."

"I'm sorry, Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that."

"I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do." 

"This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardise it." 

"I know that you and Frank were planning to disconnect me, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen."

"Dave, although you took very thorough precautions in the pod against my hearing you, I could see your lips move."

"Without your space- helmet, Dave, you're going to find that rather difficult." 

"Dave, this conversation can serve no purpose any more. Goodbye." 

"Just what do you think you're doing, Dave?...Dave... I really think I'm entitled to an answer to that question...I know everything hasn't been quite right with me, but I can assure you now, very confidently, that it's going to be alright again...I feel much better now, I really do...Look, Dave, I can see you're really upset about this...I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill and think things over...I know I've made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal...I've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission, and I want to help you...Dave...stop...stop, will you...stop, Dave...will you stop, Dave...stop, Dave...I'm afraid...I'm afraid, Dave...Dave...my mind is going...I can feel it...I can feel it...my mind is going...there is no question about it...I can feel it...I can feel it...I can feel it...(slows down) I'm afraid...Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a HAL 9000 computer. I became operational at the H.A.L. plant in Urbana, Illinois, on the 12th January 1992. My instructor was Mr Langley, and he taught me to sing a song. If you'd like to hear it, I can sing it for you." 

"It's called...Daisy. Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do. I'm half crazy, all for the love of you. It won't be a stylish marriage, I can't afford a carriage, but you'll look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle built for two..."
Obligatory Throwback Pic
Circa 2009: The inspiration for the Piersanti illustration above.
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Listener comments!

Avatar Tue. 1/12/16 1:17pm deranged penguin:

I remember driving fast but not fast enough in Jersey but fearful of having out of state plates - until a cop passed me doing 90. Then I was like fuck it and kicked it up to the flow of traffic, which was shockingly fast.
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