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My Own Religion |
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No dead languages. No smelly incense. No getting up early on Sunday mornings. No getting up early, period. No need to get home before the sun goes down. No complicated rituals. No bowing down to graven images. No figureheads, ever! No need to repent. No shame. No mass suicide. No prophets. No crucifixations. No uniforms. No tithing. No boring sermons. No dreadful music. No scandals. No proclamations. No funny hats. No Popemobile. No commandments of any kind. No clumsy books to lug around. No complex system of rules to recall. No molestation by clergy. No clergy! No persecution of other religions. Automatic conscietious objector status. Tax-exempt status. No celibacy. No prohibition. No sublimation. No witholding of orgasms. No stopping of ejaculation. No dietary rules - eat anything you like! No UFOs. No churches. Answers to all your questions. Guarantee of immortality. Worldly prosperity. When you die, you get a bitchin' new flesh vehicle and go up in the sky to a never-ending Hollywood party with tons of drugs and incredible sex - forever and ever, anon. Sound too good to be true? It isn't, friend. We're spreading the word about our great new religion - but we need your help. Won't you please help us in our great work? Send any amount you can, today so even more people like yourself can hear about this wonderful religion. This is what you'll learn with this new religion: It is worse to be dead than alive. There are no such visitors. There are no aliens. There is no God. Stop being so afraid to die. Stop being so afraid of your essential meaningless. You WILL die someday. It will all be over for you. You will not flit about this world. You will simply rot. The worms will eat you. There will be nothing left of you but bones. You will be less than a memory to those of us still alive. There is nothing outside this world that will relieve you of the pain of dying. Nothing. No God. No visitors from other planets. You will NOT receive a new flesh vehicle if you kill your current model. There is only us. There is only each other. Forget the goddamn lotto. It is a scam, a hoax. It is a way to keep you docile while they take away your pay. While they turn you into the sheep they want you to be. Don't buy it, not for a minute. All the advertising claims you've ever heard are FALSE. Believe NOTHING. NOTHING IS TRUE. Not even this. It's simply the way I choose to live. It's simply the non-realist in me - the part of me that hasn't caved in yet. And you can do the same |
