 |
If You Let Me Make Love To You (then why can't I touch you?) |
|
I'm going to teach you a little lesson. It's based on personal experience. So excuse me whilst I get on me soapbox a moment. Have you ever gotten into one of those situations in life where you listened to one song over and over again? For like a period of three days or a week? Has anyone out there been through that? Because I got hooked on this mid-70's song by Ronnie Dyson (not the Rockabilly guy) called If You Let Me Make Love To You (then why can't I touch you?). I listened to it for a two days recently. I don't get all that obsessed, I guess. Two days was all I could handle. It occurred to while listening to the song for the third go-round that it's a truly amazing song. Ronnie Dyson's voice - and I don't know if Ronnie Dyson is a man or a woman - is a wonderful voice, so expressive but not overwrought. He (or she?) grabs hold of the song and never lets go. He sounds like he's singing about his life. He sounds like singing this song is the most important thing he'll ever do. And I love the instrumentation on the song. There are vibes and violins and lots of percussion. And a chorus of women singing. And a cool chord progression on many different guitars. And a stereo mix that really reflects well on stereo. Whoever did that song did a hell of good job. And after the fourteenth listen or so I was concentrating on the lyrics and I started to absolutely feel the longing in the song. The longing became like a physical sensation. The song is about a deeply-frustrated man (woman) who falls in love with a woman (man?) at first sight ("From the very first time I saw you - it's been a different world."), comes to loves him (her?) unconditionally ("I'm not saying that I want to change you - or rearrange you...") but can't get anything back from the cold object of affection ("You're like a frozen flame"). Although the subject of the song will make love to our protagonist, he (or she) won't let the protagonist into his (or her) heart. I listened to the song for two days because I've been in that situation. I've been in a relationship like that. I recently had a one-night stand like that. I felt instantly attracted to both of these women. I ended up sleeping with both. I was involved with one woman for just about a year and a half. And the other - well, like I said: one night stand. Both times I was struck by how essentially stupid love is. I mean, I've never been able to help who I fall in love with. In either happens or it don't, I guess. You meet someone, that person is crazy about you, willing to forsake all others to be with you - and you could care less. You just don't quote unquote "feel it" for this person. Whatever it is you think you should be feeling. It just ain't there, even though you can't describe what it is that's missing. Is this making sense to any of you? It's difficult to talk about this because people don't talk about these things on the radio. Why do we fall in love with some people and not others? Why do we pass up the ones who would gladly be with us to pursue people who don't know we're alive? What the hell is that all about? Why do we waste time pining away over men and women who don't want to be with us? Isn't it just plain dumb? This is a confession: many times in my life I've been involved with women who really liked me, who had sex with me, who treated me well, cooked for me, generally made me feel blessed. And I screwed up every single one of those opportunities. That's what they were, right? They were opportunities to find out what it's like to be loved. And I rejected it every single time. Wait, it gets worse. I then turned around and wasted valuable time and energy trying to convince women who didn't care if I lived or died that they should love me. THAT'S STUPID! And when things didn't go my way (and they never did) I'd put on the Chi-lites Have You Seen Her? and poured a drink and turned down the lights and imagined I was that guy on the park bench: "One month ago today - I was happy as a lark. But now - I go for walks - to the movies, maybe to the park. I have a seat on the same old bench to watch the children play, huh. You know tomorrow's their future - but for me, just another day. They all gather round me - huh - they seem to know my name. We laugh - tell a few jokes - but it still doesn't ease my pain. I know I can't hide from a memory, though day after day I've tried. I keep saying 'She'll be back' - but today again I've lied." Jesus. Possibly the most depressing introduction in the history of R & B, right? I mean, it's a great song - don't get me wrong - and I love the sound, the harmonies, the production. It's a perfect song. But that introduction! Whew! That'll kick you right in the keister. And what is the song about? It's about - yes, you guessed it - the object of affection that won't return the affection. Except this guy is no longer even getting the sex. He's got nothing, nada, zip, zero. He's in the park talking to the kids. Pathetic bastard, pining away over some woman who wouldn't give him the time of day. "I see her face everywhere I go - on the street and even at the picture show." Man. Give it up already, huh? I don't know - I was raised on these songs. My mother listened to all this melodramatic stuff. The more stupidly romantic it was, the better she liked it. Stuff like Tom Jones singing "I'll never fall in love again". Stuff like "Misty Blue" by Dorothy Moore. My mother would play that song over and over again. She had the 45 and she'd walk back to the record player after sort of stumbling around the room by herself, eyes closed, head tilted back, drink in hand, mumbling along to the lyrics. - and she'd play it again from the beginning. And I always wanted to know why someone would purposefully suffer like that? Why someone would play a sad song over and over again, wallow in it. I mean, why wallow in sadness? I think I may finally have come up with an answer: because it's a sad and beautiful world and lots of people forget about the beautiful stuff and concentrate on the sadness. Maybe they think it's nobler to just do the sad thing. Maybe they think it's more beautiful than being happy. Lots of people think it's somehow life-enriching or soul-building. When it's actually just a sick form of self-torture, like pulling at a scab or wiggling your tongue on a bad tooth. Well, I'll have no more of it. I won't listen to sad songs over and over again, not anymore. Why? Because I've gotten all my pain out of the way for the rest of my life. Let me explain: I was tattoed the other day for a total of five hours. And it was the most intensely painful thing I've ever been through. By the third hour I was seeing stars. And in my semi-delusional state I began to think, "This is all the pain I'll need this year, thank you very much." So I am looking forward to a relatively painless year. And I think you all should do the same thing. Put down that Chi-lites song and tell yourself "So what if so-and-so doesn't feel the way I do. That's just the way the cookie crumbled this time. It's a big world and not everyone will fail to return my affection. And the next man (or woman) I meet who likes me - I'm going to be sure and be impressed by that. And I'll listen to my heart and hear what it tells me." That's all you really need to do. And you can let yourself off the hook a little and maybe be a little happy. Another trick to being happy is this: realize you'll be dead soon enough and there's absolute no use kicking about things or people you can't influence. There are so many situations over which you cannot influence the outcome. And that's just the way it is. Don't make yourself miserable trying to make something go your way if it won't go your way. I'm not saying to give up on things important to you that may not be working out - I'm saying not to blame yourself if they don't. Got it? That's the lesson for today. Class dismissed. |
