YOU CAN'T FOLD A SLICE IN ONE HAND BECAUSE NOBODY WEST OF THE MISSISSIPPI KNOWS HOW TO BAKE A DECENT PIZZA CRUST.
New York Slice
Folding pressure is smooth, creating the
all-important channel of hot pizza lipids to aid in easy mastication.
Fig. 1b: Seattle Slice
Crust is too damn thin and so overcooked as
to create a pizza/ matzo hybrid that would make even the least discriminating
"...Oy Vey! What did I do to deserve such a shitty slice?"
HAM AND PINEAPPLE BELONG AT A LUAU AND NOT ON A F**KING PIZZA.
should NOT be on a pizza:
Thai Peanut Sauce
BEER CHOICES AT RESTAURANTS:
Standard West Coast selection:
OVERPRICED LIGHT BEER
IMPORTED FROM HOLLAND..............$$$
Standard East Coast selection:
with your Fresh Hot Pizza!
We have both kinds:
MICHELOB & NATTY LIGHT
YOUR TYPICAL EAST COAST PIZZA MAKER VS. YOUR TYPICAL WEST COAST PIZZA MAKER:
Short-to-no hair prevents unwanted pizza additives.
A shirt cleaned bi-monthly can add many savory flavors to your slice.
Orange hair and Hipster-Retro shirt from overpriced vintage store can
spell disaster for your pizza order.
The Arts & Entertainment weekly in Eugene, Oregon regularly
chooses LITTLE CAESAR'S as the best pizza in the area, proving that local legend
Ken Kesey's Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test did indeed have severe
NO SELF-RESPECTING EAST COAST PIZZA SHOP OWNER WOULD TURN THEIR RESTAURANT INTO AN INTERNET CAFÉ.
Somewhere in San Francisco:
"This pizza is
inedible, but the new Xena fan website is bitchin'!"
As a transplanted East Coaster who has made his home on the Wrong Coast, I know
more than anyone how the tranquility of a good slice simply doesn't exist here.
Think about THAT the next time you complain about the grease on your pizza, and
think about those less fortunate than you who have NO GREASE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT AT