Seven Second Delay
with ken & andy

-> WFMU 91.1FM, Jersey City, NJ & 90.1FM, Hudson Valley, NY <-

Wednesdays, 6:00pm - 7:00pm Eastern
Phone in: (201) 209-9368

Page last updated July 4, 2001

Listeners of WFMU's weekly phone-in show Seven Second Delay know Andy Breckman as the lovable, huggable, light-hearted co-host; a radio Everyman whose angst-ridden encounters with life's little speedbumps touch the hearts of millions and stimulate reflection on The Human Condition.
7 Second Delay

The reality, of course, is that Andy Breckman is a bubbling cauldron of tranquilizers, vodka, anxiety and fear. He's no different than any other volatile, deranged individual -- all he wants is to push innocent bystanders onto the tracks and be given a fair shake. Is this too much to ask?

The Seven Second Delay Benediction

Dear Lord

May My Show Succeed
And May The Shows of My Friends Fail
And Yet May I Still Be Perceived

As a Team Player

Stuff by Andy:

  • See the homepage for Andy's little TV show, Monk.
    "If you think Monk is bad, you havent seen Andy's movies! Four Stars!!"
    -Ken Freedman

  • Wild Pitches "Today, we're going to talk about two of the worst pitches of my career. Students of bad comedy may want to sit up front."

  • Nobody Move! It's Richard Pryor! "I have dozens of stories from my day job as a big-time, grown-up Hollywood screenwriter - all of them field-tested and honed and embellished to perfection. Okay, not dozens. Nine. I have nine stories. But that's more than you have, you asshole."

  • Anatomy of a Bomb "I know how you nutty FMU hipsters love to hear juicy inside stories about your favorite Hollywood movies. Well, tough titties. I can't help you. I never worked on any of your favorite movies. But I did do a rewrite on Hot to Trot.

What you need to know before calling in at (201) 209-9368:
(Forewarned is Forearmed...)

  • Andy is trying to popularize "Tough Titties" as a catch phrase. Andy's previous catch phrases ("Go to Hell" and "Sieg Heil!") failed to capture the public's imagination. For Andy to collect any royalties on the phrase, you must use "Tough Titties" inappropriately, at the slightest provocation.

  • If you say "How You Doing?" when you first get on the air, Andy will respond "Great, now that you've called." Try not to take it personally. Andy can't help it.

  • If Andy asks "Who do you like better, me or Ken?" it is important to answer "Ken," or else Ken will hang up on you.

  • When calling, it is customary to say "First time caller, long time listener, I can't believe I got through!" regardless of whether or not any of this is true.

  • If Andy gets bored with you, he will say "Hold on a second, let me see if anybody here cares..." Silence will follow. If you try to speak, Andy will hush you as he polls the non-existant studio audience.

  • Sometimes Andy will say "Sorry, I have a life, and by that, I mean I have a large screen color TV." (Don't take it personally. But Andy's TV is impressively huge.)

Background References Explained:

  • The Thunderdome: From 1991-1993, Ken ran a family amusement center in New Jersey called "The Thunderdome." Andy was the opening act for such national stars as Eddie Rabbit and Freddie Cannon. After several disappointing seasons, The Thunderdome was closed. Ken blames Andy's opening acts for The Thunderdome's failure. Andy blames Ken's failure to put in access ramps from the Garden State Parkway.

  • Indian Bob: Andy uses his show on WFMU to try out new material for his "real" show on another radio station. Andy's co-host on his other show is Indian Bob. Indian Bob will laugh at anything, but he did invent "Indian Summer" and the concept of "Indian Giving."

  • Call Screeners: Andy enjoys abusing his call screeners. He is more than happy to invent nasty traits for them. Stork was a chronic masturbator, Scott was a pedophile, Dan was a mysterious Egyptian, Dave was heir to a family fortune. Andy went easy on Justina, but insisted on calling her "candypants." Andy claims that the previous call screener "Big Carlo" was bitch slapped by lightning and needed small shiny objects to be pacified. He refers to our current call screener, Maria, as a genius, which happens to be true.

  • Andy's Neurological Disorder: Andy cannot remember names or recognize voices. On the 10/18/2000 show, Andy failed to recognize the voice of his own wife while she was live over the phone.

  • Albinos: Since Ken does not allow Andy to make ethnic slurs, Andy substitutes Albinos for all ethnic and religious groups that he wishes to deride.

  • Hippy Noise: Andy refers to any music post-1974 as "hippy noise" and anybody who likes Ken better than Andy as "lonely hippies."