2003 DECEMBER 23 #357
We all know that Nashville is a music town and Nashville kids get into music early. They have "been playin" since they"s babies, get work before they"re two.' For singers, it seems to be about age nine when the urge to perform kicks in. (Although it"s probably the parents who have the urge and not their kids.)
Yes, there"s nothing they like better in Nashville than a tiny little girl who sings country music. She doesn"t actually have to sing well. After all, she is only nine. But she gets up there and sings her little heart out, God bless her.
I have collected a half dozen singles by these "Little Girls From Nashville' and each one is a crime against nature. (See also "Happy Birthday Jesus' by Little Cindy on November 2nd, number 306, and anything you can find by Rita Faye.) The girls don"t have good voices, the songs are sickeningly treacley, and the lyrics often involve God or the Easter bunny. It all adds up to a perfectly insufferable record.
The gem I present for you now has been hand-picked as the worst offender, perhaps the awfullest 45 I own. Released in 1978 on the Safari label, just a year after the passing of The King of Rock n" Roll, this one has it all: Cloying sentiment, a message to a recently deceased celebrity, and a holiday theme! All wrapped up in two minutes and 31 seconds of pure joy.
You may be tempted to listen to the first minute and say "Okay, I"ve heard enough.' But I implore you, listen all the way to the end. There"s a spoken-word section that sends the Cringe-O-Meter to 11.
Interestingly, there"s a phone number listed on the label. Is it the number for Safari Records? Or is it Michele Cody"s home number? I must admit, I looked it up. It"s not listed as either. Besides, even if I could track down Michele she"d be about 34, and she"s probably lost that adorable quality that you can only find in only a talentless nine-year-old from Nashville.
- Dancin' Dave
TT-2:34 / 3.5MB / 192kbps 44.1khz
(Image courtesy of Dancin' Dave)
Brad Beacham writes:
This caught my eye as it's produced by Ramsey Kearney, one of the big names in the "Song Poem" industry. (Big for that particular parallel universe, anyway.) He is perhaps best known as the singer on the infamous "Blind Man's Penis (Peace and Love)". Whenever I see his name, I can almost hear him blandly chirping "...Warts loved my nipples because they are pink. Vomit on me baby, yeah yeah yeah. A blind man's penis is erect because he's blind..." Much more information about Ramsey Kearney and Safari Records can be found at http://www.aspma.com/. Thanks again for all the odd fun.